Do y'all remember watching The Wizard of Oz as kids? Then, the whole movie was magical and fun...I absolutely loved it! After not watching it for a good 10 years, I watched it again. This time, I started to understand why some parents thought it scary in places. Where some things had failed to register to me as a kid, as an adult these same things were crystal clear in their implications. I had the same reaction to the ol' school Willy Wonka movie...
One thing that I saw differently was the dirty yellow brick road...while it started out golden and gleaming, there were many a moments in the movie where the road appeared to be only a faded, dull brick. There were even times that the road became narrow and obscure. At the finale, of course, we remember that their long-awaited, far-traveled-for wizard turned out to be no more a wizard than the tinman.
While a child and even as a young adult, the road's been fairly clear for me. Most times, when a door opened, I would walk through it...a good opportunity translated in my brain as a right opportunity. But now I'm discovering this is not always the case.
Lately, many moments have reminded me I'm simply a blue-checkered dress girl with ruby slippers. I continue to walk this road...while a youngster, it seemed so much more gleaming and perfect and easy. It seemed clear. Now, there's still a road, but there are moments when I have to bend down and sweep away the dirt from the path to make sure I'm still on the right colored brick. An open door does not necessarily equate the right open door.
I'm learning to find that center of who I am...the core of what I'm supposed to do in life. After finding that, it's to this core, to that center, that I bounce all of these open doors. Sometimes these open doors bounce back and look like the antithesis of me. And then sometimes they bounce back as a mirror image of me...of Him in me.
I used to make decisions by praying for a set time, reading His Word, asking wise counsel, analyzing the situation and listening to the Spirit inside me. And now I still do these things. But His Spirit has shown me that it is not simply the obvious 'fix' that is the right thing. The normal and easy way usually ends up making it's way deeper and deeper into the wicked witch's forest until thought and sight of the yellow brick has been lost forever.
In the end of the movie Dorothy realized that the thing she had been searching for was really with her all the while. While she was searching such a great deal for a quick ticket home, she learned things that grew her into a woman. She could have gone home at any second, but the things that she learned on the arduous travel made her home-going a sweeter and richer experience. She now had the perspective to truly appreciate the smallest of things and relationships that she had at home.
Today I'm simply praying I have the eyes to see His yellow bricks for me....
Sunday, November 18, 2007
Saturday, November 3, 2007
Cassiopea & Comet Holmes
Hello y'all! And you just thought i was kidding about being back...i just thought i'd throw a controversial log on the fire...see what sparks may fly...
after eating dinner i was nose-glued to a magazine (i absolutely love cooking magazines around this time of year) when i realized i was alone in the house. being a social little bug, i strarted scrounging around for everyone...i found them all down the street, on the corner, staring at the sky. after hearing that they had just witnessed what they could only identify as an honest-to-goodness UFO, my skepticism of whatever else they might scream was a bit high.
BUT, i found they had a little validity. seems there's an astronomical anomaly going on under our very noses...or, rather, above our shaggy heads.
October brought us a visual of Comet Holmes.
an 1892 comet that's just become visual to the human eye.
it's kind of a big deal.
many amateur's and professionals are touting the star's newness...meaning brand-spankin'. and there's definitely controversy surrounding lil' Holmes (so named by it's 1982 founder). in all my amateur atronomer days (counting 1 thus far), i'm on the side that says it's new.
one funny 'coincidence' to the whole bit is the star appeared directly on the heels of a very controversial article. the article works to shake the theological feet of Bethlehem star believers. all to say, take a minute to glance at his thoughts (pick up the magazine or take a glance through his comments on the http://www.skyandtelescope.com/ website...check out the article on the new star and the article on Bethlehem's star).
better yet....take a walk on a clear evening and see this star that is growing in brightness (right below Cassiopea...think Serendipity... ;0)...breathe in a bit of fresh (or polluted as your case may be) air and realize we're in a God-given environment...
peace.
ignorance abounds...starting with me.
p.s. there's a fun little article about the star names, etc., on the Brock and Bodie Theone website: http://www.thoenebooks.com/blog.asp ...it's the article titled: WHAT WISE MEN SEE—2007 COMET IN PERSEUS...
Navigation
finding the right road for yourself is always a bit of a bugger. you look and look....you try new things...you listen to friends...you listen to your own heart...you listen to His heart...you read articles and research possibilities...you even try things out.
it's an elusive sucker this road. slippery like an eel. but moreso.
so what makes me know that i'm on the right road now?
well, call it insensitive, but part of me stops caring so much. i think, i'm here because of decisions i've made. i have to live with those decisions. and it's even more than that though. i'm so solidly convinced of His Sovereignty that i don't think i COULD go on the wrong road. i mean, yes, i could flirt with th idea. i could toy in my weaker, temptation, hands-on-the-ears-"i'm-not-listening" moments. but reality finds me knowing that my heart, given to Him once, and every day since, would cease to exist on the 'wrong' road.
and don't even get me started on whether or not there is a 'wrong' road...
it's an elusive sucker this road. slippery like an eel. but moreso.
so what makes me know that i'm on the right road now?
well, call it insensitive, but part of me stops caring so much. i think, i'm here because of decisions i've made. i have to live with those decisions. and it's even more than that though. i'm so solidly convinced of His Sovereignty that i don't think i COULD go on the wrong road. i mean, yes, i could flirt with th idea. i could toy in my weaker, temptation, hands-on-the-ears-"i'm-not-listening" moments. but reality finds me knowing that my heart, given to Him once, and every day since, would cease to exist on the 'wrong' road.
and don't even get me started on whether or not there is a 'wrong' road...
I'm Ba-ACK!!!
in more ways than one i might add.
for a few months now, i've sat down countless times and attempted to jot out a little blog. to spit out a little something that someone else would care to read. but my thoughts...well...they spun out kinda' crooked...in a funny jumble of a mess.
but.
somehow. as i sat down to the computer today, i thought, it's time. time to reclaim me in many ways.
if you care to continue a read on this-here blog...hold on to your hats.
the next few days promise to be full.
much love.
A
for a few months now, i've sat down countless times and attempted to jot out a little blog. to spit out a little something that someone else would care to read. but my thoughts...well...they spun out kinda' crooked...in a funny jumble of a mess.
but.
somehow. as i sat down to the computer today, i thought, it's time. time to reclaim me in many ways.
if you care to continue a read on this-here blog...hold on to your hats.
the next few days promise to be full.
much love.
A
Tuesday, October 9, 2007
suffering
i've been thinking about suffering lately. it's funny how many articles can be found on it....there's so much of it in the world. it's looming and pervading presence always demands an audience. and it's also interesting to note that suffering has no prejudice or party affiliation. it's not bound by social class. and it's definitely not bound by race or ethnicity.
everyone who lives and breathes is promised suffering at some level.
so why do we shirk from it? or have knee jerk reaction towards God when it comes? isn't it a beautiful thing? isn't it what allows such direct and pure lines of communications with Him?
i was thinking about these times in my life that have been so hard. those times that i spend weeping on my knees. at the time, they seemed almost unbearable. but it was that desperation that lead me to really, trully sucking Him in instead of anything else. if you stop and listen, anyone's intelligent enough to realize that suffering in and of itself is not worthwhile. but it is the whatever happens that brings Him closer that is worthwhile and that our hearts silently crave. in and of itself, keep suffering away. but i want Him so badly to be more in me, that i'll take whatever He determines will bring me closer to Him.
after all, He's worth everything isn't He?
so. Father, don't bring the suffering. BUT bring Yourself Lord...and if suffering is part of that, then You'll make me ok with that...because i love You more than life itself...help me to love You more.
everyone who lives and breathes is promised suffering at some level.
so why do we shirk from it? or have knee jerk reaction towards God when it comes? isn't it a beautiful thing? isn't it what allows such direct and pure lines of communications with Him?
i was thinking about these times in my life that have been so hard. those times that i spend weeping on my knees. at the time, they seemed almost unbearable. but it was that desperation that lead me to really, trully sucking Him in instead of anything else. if you stop and listen, anyone's intelligent enough to realize that suffering in and of itself is not worthwhile. but it is the whatever happens that brings Him closer that is worthwhile and that our hearts silently crave. in and of itself, keep suffering away. but i want Him so badly to be more in me, that i'll take whatever He determines will bring me closer to Him.
after all, He's worth everything isn't He?
so. Father, don't bring the suffering. BUT bring Yourself Lord...and if suffering is part of that, then You'll make me ok with that...because i love You more than life itself...help me to love You more.
Saturday, September 29, 2007
fully alive
i'm sitting in Fort Worth, Texas at my cousin's house...they're grillin' steaks for dinner outside. i got to have a conversation with my favorite person in the world last night and more with some of my favorite today. the weather's been amazing...as i sat through my lil' cousin's baseball game this morning, with the wind blowing oh-so-gently and the sun barely peaking through the fluffiness...it seems all the good things in life can be assessed in these moments. i'm surrounded by good people and good food and good weather and good health and good...just good times.
recently, it seems that everything i've ever wanted has been dropped in my lap. yet even amidst the amazing goodness that my Father is showering down upon me, the one desire of my heart remains constant: to sit with Him.
all the amazing moments in the world mean nothing compared with those times with Him.
so as i start to make some pretty 'life-changin' decisions in the next few weeks, i'm confident that the one thing that i NEED in life will remain. and that one thing, at risk of sounding repetitive, is Him. amidst the sorrowful moments, He seems to grow sweeter...and now amidst the milk-n-honey, He makes my heart constantly sing in a song of gratefullness...my soul has been awakened by the One who can trully love...
OH! how i love Him...awaken my heart even more to sing of You...and then i am fully alive...
living,
annetta
recently, it seems that everything i've ever wanted has been dropped in my lap. yet even amidst the amazing goodness that my Father is showering down upon me, the one desire of my heart remains constant: to sit with Him.
all the amazing moments in the world mean nothing compared with those times with Him.
so as i start to make some pretty 'life-changin' decisions in the next few weeks, i'm confident that the one thing that i NEED in life will remain. and that one thing, at risk of sounding repetitive, is Him. amidst the sorrowful moments, He seems to grow sweeter...and now amidst the milk-n-honey, He makes my heart constantly sing in a song of gratefullness...my soul has been awakened by the One who can trully love...
OH! how i love Him...awaken my heart even more to sing of You...and then i am fully alive...
living,
annetta
Sunday, September 9, 2007
testosterone versus estrogen...
oh my. that's what i think when i put a guy and a girl together. until recently, i'd only heard of the many communication issues that arise when a guy and girl talk. i.e., how a girl says one thing and the guy says completely another. in fact, i never thought i'd fall prey to these beautiful little idiosyncrasies. but, fall i did.
and quite soundly i might add.
but one of the things that stands out so clearly in this latest mishap of a communication blunder is how differently He created us to be.
He created the guys to take on so much of the Adam persona...and girls the Eve.
i've decided i'm gonna take a deeper look into this. if, after all, we girls are supposed to look a little like eve, being somewhat fashioned after her, then shouldn't we understand her? after all, she was the first to fall to the blame game...
the communication blunder i witnessed this past week went something like this:
Boy: you're mad at me? why are you mad at me? don't be mad at me!
Girl: well, i didn't want you to think i was pressuring when i said such and such after you were the one originating the topic! and i felt like you DID feel pressured. but, after all, it was YOU that started the whole topic of conversation. seriously.
Boy: actually, i thought you were talking about something completely different. i totally didn't realize you were saying that. huh.
Girl: yes i was saying that! how could you not have seen? it was so plain?
Boy: but this other way of looking at it was plain to me...
Monday, September 3, 2007
all grow'd up
i'm a grownup.
i don't know when it happened. but i'm totally a bonified, grade-A, card carrying, decision-making adult. weird really. i've had the peter pan mentality my whole life. you know, that 'i-still-climb-trees-and-i'll-never-grow-up!' vibe.
when i first stepped into this 'leap-o-faith' thing, i thought jumpin' head first meant that i could swim for a while afterwards. I mean, i LOVE swimming. silly rabbit me. jumping once really just means that each day i get to jump into an even deeper pool off of an even deeper high dive.
seems like even more of an adventure really. my emotional little adolescent self spent time crying on the high dive...waiting for Dad to coax me off. but this new adult mischeviously winks at Him, takes a deep breath and cries, "CANNONBALL!!!"
now, you have to realize, my fear is not dissipated. Oh yeah, it's still there. but there's also this really cool, leveling trust that stays deep in the pit of my stomache. even when unexpected news comes, i'm still grounded. and i'm really jonesin' on it. there's none of that adolescent desperation that comes from not KNOWING the jump's ok.
there's something funny about having been in the depths before. when you reach them again, they're not near as scary. and as i continue this funny little faith walk, it doesn't seem as scary right now either...
so today, i'm choosing to climb a tree, *wink*....right before i jump.
annetta
p.s. whenever you think of me, shoot up a prayer for this faith (and wisdom!)...a gift that's in high demand and short supply sometimes...
p.s.2. especially pray as whenever one claims to be doing fantastically well at this faith walk thing, well, it's like putting a bullseye on the forehead while shooting off flares and screaming into a bullhorn, "Easy Target!!!"...ahh...humility is still something i struggle with...
i don't know when it happened. but i'm totally a bonified, grade-A, card carrying, decision-making adult. weird really. i've had the peter pan mentality my whole life. you know, that 'i-still-climb-trees-and-i'll-never-grow-up!' vibe.
when i first stepped into this 'leap-o-faith' thing, i thought jumpin' head first meant that i could swim for a while afterwards. I mean, i LOVE swimming. silly rabbit me. jumping once really just means that each day i get to jump into an even deeper pool off of an even deeper high dive.
seems like even more of an adventure really. my emotional little adolescent self spent time crying on the high dive...waiting for Dad to coax me off. but this new adult mischeviously winks at Him, takes a deep breath and cries, "CANNONBALL!!!"
now, you have to realize, my fear is not dissipated. Oh yeah, it's still there. but there's also this really cool, leveling trust that stays deep in the pit of my stomache. even when unexpected news comes, i'm still grounded. and i'm really jonesin' on it. there's none of that adolescent desperation that comes from not KNOWING the jump's ok.
there's something funny about having been in the depths before. when you reach them again, they're not near as scary. and as i continue this funny little faith walk, it doesn't seem as scary right now either...
so today, i'm choosing to climb a tree, *wink*....right before i jump.
annetta
p.s. whenever you think of me, shoot up a prayer for this faith (and wisdom!)...a gift that's in high demand and short supply sometimes...
p.s.2. especially pray as whenever one claims to be doing fantastically well at this faith walk thing, well, it's like putting a bullseye on the forehead while shooting off flares and screaming into a bullhorn, "Easy Target!!!"...ahh...humility is still something i struggle with...
Saturday, August 25, 2007
still abstract
good morning! or good evening or good day as it may be in your world....
isn't it funny how life is all relative to someone's perspective? now don't get me wrong and think i've turned into some postmodern relativist who thinks there are no absolutes. but it's funny how if you look at something from a different angle than someone else, it can seem to be a completely different object. huh. makes me think of that ol' story about the blind men and the elephant (i'm gonna' botch this one!)...they each grabbed hold of a different part of the elephant....one grabbed the trunk, one the leg, one the tusk...and they each thought it a different entity. respectively, one thought it a snake, one a tree, one a sword. in a lot of ways, understanding the truth behind life relies on one having the correct perspective.
in so many ways He renewed and 'set aright' my perspective on life when i was in Estes. while many of you may find my reference to my time there quite wearying, please bear with me. i'm still kinda' 'getting' what all He spoke to me there.
while in Estes, i started to get that life really is to be lived out as a fantastically powerful creature filled with Him. there is no letting go of that identity. and the more i live out of that the better.
but i find myself slacking in the identity department...to such a degree that for a moment i lack vision and faith, and start calling what place i'm currently in a snake or a tree or a sword...
6 months down now. and still lacking so many of the tangible things we call 'necessary' for 'normal' life. but i realize that 'normal' is all a matter of perspective...and that all my needs are met in Him.
praying that my heart echoes even louder today, 'i have no need, no good, apart from You my sweet Jesus'...
isn't it funny how life is all relative to someone's perspective? now don't get me wrong and think i've turned into some postmodern relativist who thinks there are no absolutes. but it's funny how if you look at something from a different angle than someone else, it can seem to be a completely different object. huh. makes me think of that ol' story about the blind men and the elephant (i'm gonna' botch this one!)...they each grabbed hold of a different part of the elephant....one grabbed the trunk, one the leg, one the tusk...and they each thought it a different entity. respectively, one thought it a snake, one a tree, one a sword. in a lot of ways, understanding the truth behind life relies on one having the correct perspective.
in so many ways He renewed and 'set aright' my perspective on life when i was in Estes. while many of you may find my reference to my time there quite wearying, please bear with me. i'm still kinda' 'getting' what all He spoke to me there.
while in Estes, i started to get that life really is to be lived out as a fantastically powerful creature filled with Him. there is no letting go of that identity. and the more i live out of that the better.
but i find myself slacking in the identity department...to such a degree that for a moment i lack vision and faith, and start calling what place i'm currently in a snake or a tree or a sword...
6 months down now. and still lacking so many of the tangible things we call 'necessary' for 'normal' life. but i realize that 'normal' is all a matter of perspective...and that all my needs are met in Him.
praying that my heart echoes even louder today, 'i have no need, no good, apart from You my sweet Jesus'...
Thursday, August 9, 2007
honestly? it's past the point of good humor
you know, there's this point where patience wears out. it no longer speaks for you. it no longer responds gracefully. it no longer bides my time. it no longer gives moments of peace in the midst of chaos. it no longer provides support and home simply by it's presence.
when this patience wears out i'm left confused, wondering.
this week, i've felt a little like an orphan. i hate even saying the word orphan in respect to myself. it makes me feel ungrateful. after all, i am not without a superior set of 'rents. and i've a perfect Father in heaven to boot. but, there's something about a family...they're supposed to provide a solid compass. problem is, while my Father has been speaking so many abstract things to me, there is NO concrete stuff to be heard. hard to have a solid compass when all you hear is ethereal. and one of the worst things (to me) is His quiet. He has a plan for my life. yet He shares it not. this lack of sharing on His part leaves me biting my tongue from calling Him 'stingy'....
i'm tired of the intangible. 6 months now. intangible faith. my faith well's run on empty for some time...He's just been giving me the daily requirement. but, bottoms up and there's not a drop today. i mean, i've faith that i'll have food and drink. i'll have a place to lay this ol' noggin. but, those heart things...those dreams. those communal needs. those desires for living a life greater than me....seem to sift out of that cup like dust left after all moisture's evaporated.
all walking done today is done with no sense of emotionalism. there's no 'good feelings' cheering me on to greater heights. rather, my sustaining factor is simply grit. grit and a little whisper. on second thought, it's probably moreso the little whisper...if you're living the grit whisper, rock on. let's bond.
but amidst it all...i'm still solidly planted in His plan for me. i just wish He'd share the next step with me...walking. listening. and finding myself a little gripey...
but still so enchanted by Him that i can't let go...
when this patience wears out i'm left confused, wondering.
this week, i've felt a little like an orphan. i hate even saying the word orphan in respect to myself. it makes me feel ungrateful. after all, i am not without a superior set of 'rents. and i've a perfect Father in heaven to boot. but, there's something about a family...they're supposed to provide a solid compass. problem is, while my Father has been speaking so many abstract things to me, there is NO concrete stuff to be heard. hard to have a solid compass when all you hear is ethereal. and one of the worst things (to me) is His quiet. He has a plan for my life. yet He shares it not. this lack of sharing on His part leaves me biting my tongue from calling Him 'stingy'....
i'm tired of the intangible. 6 months now. intangible faith. my faith well's run on empty for some time...He's just been giving me the daily requirement. but, bottoms up and there's not a drop today. i mean, i've faith that i'll have food and drink. i'll have a place to lay this ol' noggin. but, those heart things...those dreams. those communal needs. those desires for living a life greater than me....seem to sift out of that cup like dust left after all moisture's evaporated.
all walking done today is done with no sense of emotionalism. there's no 'good feelings' cheering me on to greater heights. rather, my sustaining factor is simply grit. grit and a little whisper. on second thought, it's probably moreso the little whisper...if you're living the grit whisper, rock on. let's bond.
but amidst it all...i'm still solidly planted in His plan for me. i just wish He'd share the next step with me...walking. listening. and finding myself a little gripey...
but still so enchanted by Him that i can't let go...
Thursday, August 2, 2007
ESTES PARK PRE-RELEASE!!!
YEAH! the time has come for a pre-release party for the cd!
a sigh of relief! so. if you are in the Houston area, you've simply GOT TO come by and take a listen...and bring your friends!
Tallowood Baptist Church.
North Campus.
22 August 2007.
7:30pm.
Give me a holler if you have any questions!!! can't wait!!!
Friday, July 27, 2007
a moment...
recently, i went on a run in virginia beach, va. a great run. the kind of run where i weep in the middle of a particularly speedy stretch; not because i'm in pain, but because my soul is poignantly touched with the beauty of Him, and i've no way to adaquately express my love.
my run was not at the beach. it was just to a neighborhood near the apartment i was staying at...beautiful view (this pic is of the park). the name of the park is : mount trashmore. sounds like a funny name huh? well, the really funny part is it's not just a name. the park is really an old trash dumpground renovated into a beautiful community park. it started me thinking...
He can make something out of nothing...in fact, He quite often takes our bruise, depraved selves and turns them into royalty. He takes this 'ugly wart frog' and turns me into a pretty, pretty princess. He took a ball of dirt and made Adam. He daily takes my failings and turns them into a tapestry that glorifies Him. our Father is breathtaking. i can't get enough of Him these days...He's made my heart to constantly want Him. i find He's more than enough. my soul's alive dear friends! love and miss all of you! praying for so many of you by name this evening and all of you by His Spirit...
annetta
p.s.
wow. it's been awhile. a disclaimer, i've been on a 4 week road trip...i'll find myself settled in a home soon...pray for direction~!
my run was not at the beach. it was just to a neighborhood near the apartment i was staying at...beautiful view (this pic is of the park). the name of the park is : mount trashmore. sounds like a funny name huh? well, the really funny part is it's not just a name. the park is really an old trash dumpground renovated into a beautiful community park. it started me thinking...
He can make something out of nothing...in fact, He quite often takes our bruise, depraved selves and turns them into royalty. He takes this 'ugly wart frog' and turns me into a pretty, pretty princess. He took a ball of dirt and made Adam. He daily takes my failings and turns them into a tapestry that glorifies Him. our Father is breathtaking. i can't get enough of Him these days...He's made my heart to constantly want Him. i find He's more than enough. my soul's alive dear friends! love and miss all of you! praying for so many of you by name this evening and all of you by His Spirit...
annetta
p.s.
wow. it's been awhile. a disclaimer, i've been on a 4 week road trip...i'll find myself settled in a home soon...pray for direction~!
Friday, July 6, 2007
Road Trip
ok. so many of you know of M6, a mission trip i took with TWood last summer. well, a friend and i are about to embark on a 3 week version of that...and we think it's gonna go right down the east coast.
we're starting with a night with friends in BHam, AL, then to see my sis in NYC...she's working for the Philharmonic and is gonna hire us for a few days. then i have cousins in Providence RI (45 minutes from Boston) and my friend's mom is moving from Virginia Beach...and i'm singing in a wedding (ADRIENNE!) in Charleston SC at the end of the month...
those are the loose plans. but my friend (Sandrine) and i are holding them loosely in our hands. i can't WAIT to see where He takes us...and we're preparing this week for the crazy journey starting Thursday...incidentally, that's the day after my 28th bday...what a coming of age trip eh?!?
anywho.. any prayers are coveted. we're listening and i pray this is lifechanging..for us as well as many others!
p.s. the album should be done right about the time we get back...wahoo!
we're starting with a night with friends in BHam, AL, then to see my sis in NYC...she's working for the Philharmonic and is gonna hire us for a few days. then i have cousins in Providence RI (45 minutes from Boston) and my friend's mom is moving from Virginia Beach...and i'm singing in a wedding (ADRIENNE!) in Charleston SC at the end of the month...
those are the loose plans. but my friend (Sandrine) and i are holding them loosely in our hands. i can't WAIT to see where He takes us...and we're preparing this week for the crazy journey starting Thursday...incidentally, that's the day after my 28th bday...what a coming of age trip eh?!?
anywho.. any prayers are coveted. we're listening and i pray this is lifechanging..for us as well as many others!
p.s. the album should be done right about the time we get back...wahoo!
go red
it's raining outside.
there's always been something about rain...makes me think.
this week, i've been contemplating growing up. i guess it's normal to contemplate that as i was at a family reunion right outside the city of Crown Point...the city i spent the first 12 years of my life in. i saw the lady that used to babysit me, my childhood bff and the younger kid next door who's now grown and owns his own business. the whole time i talked with the lady who babysat me, she just kept saying, "SHUT UP! SHUT UP! YOU'RE SO HUGE!".
it made me feel like i'm either pudgy or just really grown up.
so growing up. for awhile now that little rebellious streak of mine has been directed towards anything that scents of legalism. if someone said that wearing red is the only thing holy, i would throw out all shirts with the slightest hue of red and wear only black. i mean, who can dictate God's color preferences?!? and who's to say that red really is my color anyway? who's to say that i'm not a GREEN kinda' girl...
ok ok. i get it that my rebellious response is not only childish, but it's tacky. but the thing that really struck home in my heart was as i was thinking about Romans 12:2A,
"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind..."
i've been working on that whole conformed thing for a while...and thought i was working on the transformed thing. but as i look at Him, i think, it's not that wearing anything but red is necessarily wrong, it's just that wearing red is the BEST thing...it's the way He created me to live. and it's not even about a normal life that's really good and looks great alongside the next nonChristian's life. rather, the transformed life is so amazingly removed, that non Christians recognize it as the way they ache to live.
let me try saying this again...it's not the color red. it's not that legalistic people are always right...it's just that, they're usually onto something...they are usually sensing out a few guidelines that make this a life lived best.
the black and blue wearers of the world know that red is really their color. and it's really my color. i just don't tell those wearing blue that blue doesn't become them... :)
so. i'm pushing ahead today. not to 'not wear black' but to wear red in such a way that all will know that He is indeed alive.
grace and peace,
annetta
there's always been something about rain...makes me think.
this week, i've been contemplating growing up. i guess it's normal to contemplate that as i was at a family reunion right outside the city of Crown Point...the city i spent the first 12 years of my life in. i saw the lady that used to babysit me, my childhood bff and the younger kid next door who's now grown and owns his own business. the whole time i talked with the lady who babysat me, she just kept saying, "SHUT UP! SHUT UP! YOU'RE SO HUGE!".
it made me feel like i'm either pudgy or just really grown up.
so growing up. for awhile now that little rebellious streak of mine has been directed towards anything that scents of legalism. if someone said that wearing red is the only thing holy, i would throw out all shirts with the slightest hue of red and wear only black. i mean, who can dictate God's color preferences?!? and who's to say that red really is my color anyway? who's to say that i'm not a GREEN kinda' girl...
ok ok. i get it that my rebellious response is not only childish, but it's tacky. but the thing that really struck home in my heart was as i was thinking about Romans 12:2A,
"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind..."
i've been working on that whole conformed thing for a while...and thought i was working on the transformed thing. but as i look at Him, i think, it's not that wearing anything but red is necessarily wrong, it's just that wearing red is the BEST thing...it's the way He created me to live. and it's not even about a normal life that's really good and looks great alongside the next nonChristian's life. rather, the transformed life is so amazingly removed, that non Christians recognize it as the way they ache to live.
let me try saying this again...it's not the color red. it's not that legalistic people are always right...it's just that, they're usually onto something...they are usually sensing out a few guidelines that make this a life lived best.
the black and blue wearers of the world know that red is really their color. and it's really my color. i just don't tell those wearing blue that blue doesn't become them... :)
so. i'm pushing ahead today. not to 'not wear black' but to wear red in such a way that all will know that He is indeed alive.
grace and peace,
annetta
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
Extraordinarily Ordinary
it really IS all about the journey.
lately, i've been head-over-heels involved in a project. and not a project that needs just a little "tweaking" as Tom Hanks so eloquently says to Meg Ryan in my favorite movie. rather, this project is crazy involved. and it's a 'jump-off-the-diving-board-into-the-deepend' kinda' involved. except, that jump also involves jumping without knowing if there's water first.
i'd always thought moments of faith were preceeded by flashes of light and booming "james earl jones" voices. but my experience says, that it's a lack thereof.
no voice. no lightning. no big talking-picture story.
it's as if you're in a really windy place, and for a moment, the wind dies down. and there's that eerie silence. although not so eerie. and not so silent unless i make room for that silence.
doesn't make sense huh?
let me try again. faith is...
ordinary. everyday. constantly. moment-by-moment. in the dull. in the humdrum.
in my unfallen, blood-of-Christ-covered state, it's natural. all-the-while, it's supernatural.
in the end...it's...well, it's glorious. all-the-while, it seems, normal.
here's to a life lived as purposed...in a perpetual, ordinary, extraordinary freefall.
lately, i've been head-over-heels involved in a project. and not a project that needs just a little "tweaking" as Tom Hanks so eloquently says to Meg Ryan in my favorite movie. rather, this project is crazy involved. and it's a 'jump-off-the-diving-board-into-the-deepend' kinda' involved. except, that jump also involves jumping without knowing if there's water first.
i'd always thought moments of faith were preceeded by flashes of light and booming "james earl jones" voices. but my experience says, that it's a lack thereof.
no voice. no lightning. no big talking-picture story.
it's as if you're in a really windy place, and for a moment, the wind dies down. and there's that eerie silence. although not so eerie. and not so silent unless i make room for that silence.
doesn't make sense huh?
let me try again. faith is...
ordinary. everyday. constantly. moment-by-moment. in the dull. in the humdrum.
in my unfallen, blood-of-Christ-covered state, it's natural. all-the-while, it's supernatural.
in the end...it's...well, it's glorious. all-the-while, it seems, normal.
here's to a life lived as purposed...in a perpetual, ordinary, extraordinary freefall.
Saturday, June 16, 2007
Glorious Waiting Room
waiting. a gloriously divine activity. frustrating. drives me crazy. but gloriously divine. it's not coincidence that in my current divine waiting room, sunsets have become a moment where my soul rests. i think they're His waiting room for me. anticipation has always been such a fun part of an event for me. and now...in the silence. i think waiting is a divine activity. not only do i happen to be in waiting periods quite frequently, but they always seem to be divinely appointed. maybe i'm not picking up what i'm supposed to be learning eh?
but. in this waiting, there is always one of two things for me.
either He speaks much and i am filled to overflowing.
or
He speaks little...
and i'm left to walk in the dark, holding onto the hope He has promised and the vision He has originated and ordained.
today, i was a bit woebegone, mourning the loss of His voice in my life...and my realization that His Voice was so silent was only after the activity in my life became still...my activity...and i can't see His activity at present. but i believe it is goin nuts under the surface. His plans are glorious and moving...in my 'woebegone' sate, i read these quotes:
The answer to our prayer may be coming, although we may not discern
its approach. a seed that is underground during winter, although
hidden and seemingly dead and lost, is nevertheless taking root for a
later spring and harvest. - bickersteth
delayed answers to prayer are not only trials of faith, they also give
us opportunities to honor God through our steadfast confidence in Him
even when facing the apparent denial of our request. - spurgeon
oh me of little faith! that i would see the invisible...for when He SEEMS still, He's moving quite quickly. His timing is perfect. and He is really good at growing the roots of a plant before letting it jump forth from the ground. this waiting is not unique to me...seems as if everyone lives in it. doesn't make it easier to realize it's a communal, silent waiting room. not much fellowship goin on there. BUT...it does allow me to borrow prayers...here's one from Shane B:
i will run when i cannot walk
i will sing when there is no song
i will pray when there is no prayer
i will listen when i cannot hear
sitting in the waiting room of silence
waiting for that still soft voice i know
offering my words up to the rooftop to Your heart
trusting that this closet's where You are
Lord i know if i change my mind
You will change my heart in time
Sovereign Lord this time's from You
so i sit in the waiting room of silence
cause its all about You
i will fight when i cannot feel
i will trust when You don't seem real
i will tell when i cannot speak
i will step when i cannot see
even the waiting is glorious when done at rest.
love y'all. praying His Presence in your life today...esp for those prepping camp twood. missin ya this year...but have you lifted up in His hand!
but. in this waiting, there is always one of two things for me.
either He speaks much and i am filled to overflowing.
or
He speaks little...
and i'm left to walk in the dark, holding onto the hope He has promised and the vision He has originated and ordained.
today, i was a bit woebegone, mourning the loss of His voice in my life...and my realization that His Voice was so silent was only after the activity in my life became still...my activity...and i can't see His activity at present. but i believe it is goin nuts under the surface. His plans are glorious and moving...in my 'woebegone' sate, i read these quotes:
The answer to our prayer may be coming, although we may not discern
its approach. a seed that is underground during winter, although
hidden and seemingly dead and lost, is nevertheless taking root for a
later spring and harvest. - bickersteth
delayed answers to prayer are not only trials of faith, they also give
us opportunities to honor God through our steadfast confidence in Him
even when facing the apparent denial of our request. - spurgeon
oh me of little faith! that i would see the invisible...for when He SEEMS still, He's moving quite quickly. His timing is perfect. and He is really good at growing the roots of a plant before letting it jump forth from the ground. this waiting is not unique to me...seems as if everyone lives in it. doesn't make it easier to realize it's a communal, silent waiting room. not much fellowship goin on there. BUT...it does allow me to borrow prayers...here's one from Shane B:
i will run when i cannot walk
i will sing when there is no song
i will pray when there is no prayer
i will listen when i cannot hear
sitting in the waiting room of silence
waiting for that still soft voice i know
offering my words up to the rooftop to Your heart
trusting that this closet's where You are
Lord i know if i change my mind
You will change my heart in time
Sovereign Lord this time's from You
so i sit in the waiting room of silence
cause its all about You
i will fight when i cannot feel
i will trust when You don't seem real
i will tell when i cannot speak
i will step when i cannot see
even the waiting is glorious when done at rest.
love y'all. praying His Presence in your life today...esp for those prepping camp twood. missin ya this year...but have you lifted up in His hand!
Friday, June 8, 2007
crash-n-burn
it's been really weird this past week. life was so crazy and non-stop and all-consuming.
and now. well, now i'm back to waiting.
weird how these days go by much slower than the more active ones. but He has provided ways for me to have space to sit and think on Him. to listen. that's been pretty amazing. the way He carves moments out when i think there are none to be had.
i had a great talk with my dad. and one thing that became poignantly clear was my loneliness. it's funny, but as i walk through this newest adventure, the only person 'on the line' is me. i'm the only one that the death of this vision, the crash-n-burn, of this will effect. thus, it's a lonely space i fill. i walk and move and breath and obey what and where i think He's leading. but at the same time, there's no one else in the hot spot with me. it surely purifies motives. and it surely pushes me to Him as nothing else.
but it's still lonely.
seems i'm the only one out here. and that's ok today. because i look and listen and realize that He's right there with me...speaking His love for me.
so i walk in His love today. i walk in hope. and faith.
knowing that green pastures are coming...where i'll live in beautiful, messy community.
praying His new home for me will come soon,
annetta
and now. well, now i'm back to waiting.
weird how these days go by much slower than the more active ones. but He has provided ways for me to have space to sit and think on Him. to listen. that's been pretty amazing. the way He carves moments out when i think there are none to be had.
i had a great talk with my dad. and one thing that became poignantly clear was my loneliness. it's funny, but as i walk through this newest adventure, the only person 'on the line' is me. i'm the only one that the death of this vision, the crash-n-burn, of this will effect. thus, it's a lonely space i fill. i walk and move and breath and obey what and where i think He's leading. but at the same time, there's no one else in the hot spot with me. it surely purifies motives. and it surely pushes me to Him as nothing else.
but it's still lonely.
seems i'm the only one out here. and that's ok today. because i look and listen and realize that He's right there with me...speaking His love for me.
so i walk in His love today. i walk in hope. and faith.
knowing that green pastures are coming...where i'll live in beautiful, messy community.
praying His new home for me will come soon,
annetta
Saturday, May 19, 2007
hiatus
hey all!
i know i've been a little random in my postings as of late...if you want to subscribe to my blog, where you don't have to keep checking and rechecking, send your email address to me at: annettabox@gmail.com i'll include you on this little notifier thing...OR simply enter your email address in the subscription box to your right...not sure if that worx, but we'll find out eh?
thanks for keepin up with it...
a
i know i've been a little random in my postings as of late...if you want to subscribe to my blog, where you don't have to keep checking and rechecking, send your email address to me at: annettabox@gmail.com i'll include you on this little notifier thing...OR simply enter your email address in the subscription box to your right...not sure if that worx, but we'll find out eh?
thanks for keepin up with it...
a
Friday, May 18, 2007
what did i learn in estes?
"how was it? what'd you learn"
my first week back, i was stopping for a few nights in dallas. hanging out one night with a crew of folks...all from various parts of my past. amazing to see each of them as they all hold amazing stories of God's goodness in my life...and they posed this question to me. i struggled with words...not really sure how to answer that. still in a little bit of process mode.
that night, i was the life of the party. and not because i WAS the life of the party, but because i felt like i HAD to be. it had been part of the 'pre-Estes' identity of annetta. and now, here i was, acting the part. it was expected. and i am pretty stinkin' funny when i need to be...or so i tell myself. that night, i was 'on'...and you know what? it was really annoying. by the end of the evening, it was if i was walking in culture shock. i was in a massive crowd of people, hanging with these wonderful friends, and my soul craved silence. i was ready to jump out of my skin at the chance to leave.
i become morose,
introverted, painfully so.
weird for me huh?
but it's true. i've become something of an introvert, and part of me doesn't know what to do with that. it's been a long time coming...this whole seclusion thing. i needed it. it's funny, i really get Paul's words in 2 corinthians 5:13, "For if we are beside ourselves, it is for God; if we are of sound mind, it is for you." when i am with Him, i AM beside myself...and when i'm with others, it's as if He has to draw me back to reality in order to interact.
my first week back, i was stopping for a few nights in dallas. hanging out one night with a crew of folks...all from various parts of my past. amazing to see each of them as they all hold amazing stories of God's goodness in my life...and they posed this question to me. i struggled with words...not really sure how to answer that. still in a little bit of process mode.
that night, i was the life of the party. and not because i WAS the life of the party, but because i felt like i HAD to be. it had been part of the 'pre-Estes' identity of annetta. and now, here i was, acting the part. it was expected. and i am pretty stinkin' funny when i need to be...or so i tell myself. that night, i was 'on'...and you know what? it was really annoying. by the end of the evening, it was if i was walking in culture shock. i was in a massive crowd of people, hanging with these wonderful friends, and my soul craved silence. i was ready to jump out of my skin at the chance to leave.
i become morose,
introverted, painfully so.
weird for me huh?
but it's true. i've become something of an introvert, and part of me doesn't know what to do with that. it's been a long time coming...this whole seclusion thing. i needed it. it's funny, i really get Paul's words in 2 corinthians 5:13, "For if we are beside ourselves, it is for God; if we are of sound mind, it is for you." when i am with Him, i AM beside myself...and when i'm with others, it's as if He has to draw me back to reality in order to interact.
but you know what? more than anything? i miss Him tonight. i miss His really close, 'closer-than-anyone-else-in-the-world' Presence that estes taught me. it was as if, as i stepped out into that beautiful world outside my door, nature screamed of Him. my heart learned the heartbeat of that scream. and just joined right along with the rest of creation. for a month i was given a glorious place of simply joining in with the song of His praise. i learned His rhythm...or was starting to learn the very beginning of it. the groans of creation...waiting for Him. i know any moments of ache right now have only to do with distance from my Father. SO: "how was it? what did i learn in estes?"
He trully is enough.
for anything. for everything. for the smallest things. for the biggest things. for the mundane. for the grand. for the in-between.
i look at these black words i'm typing and can't help but think they seem so empty. so rigid. so simple. and it is. simple. yet it's also terribly complex. in black and white it seems so empty, plain. normal. but it was the farthest thing from that...it was glorious. and beautiful and life altering. and supernatural. and vibrant. and colorful. and heart-rendering. and joyful. and awe-full. and
no words.
now only tears.
oh my God, how i miss Thee! return to me in all Your fullness...withdraw not from my heart...i can't make it. Lord, i'm not being dramatic. no over-emotionalizing here. only raw truth, from a raw heart. a heart yearning for THE Truth. i can't live life like i did before...with Your Presence only 'some' of the time...with sensing You are there only first thing in the morning...and random moments...i need that constant communion. i'm rubbish without it. nothing Lord. at moments i'm as frantic as David, "cast me not from Your Presence o Lord!"
Father, even these words seem empty as they are clinging to One so much greater.
simply said, i have tasted and you are better. i am ruined for anything, anyone but You.
return my Lord. i cannot live a moment...haste my Lord! i yearn.
You are so beautiful.
Wednesday, May 9, 2007
desert travels
'i won't leave the desert unless You go with me!'
i can just hear Moses sayin' this too...heart beating super-sonic speed...palms sweaty...after all, he was talking to the GOD OF THE UNIVERSE. making demands of God. a little bit of a scary place to be if you ask me!
but i do make demands. big demands. and much the same demands as Moses.
a while back, at Rocky Mountain Church, pastor Jess spoke on prayer...making demands of God. my first thought was the story in Luke of the poor woman to the mean, ol' ruler. she begged and begged and begged him for something until he relented. i can just hear his speech in modern day,
"woman! you're drivin' me crazy! take whatever you want...only LEAVE ME BE!"
but this isn't really where i generally fall in my beggin prayers with the Lord. i'm not always on the up-n-up when i beg for something...it's generally something that i momentarily believe i can't live without. but it's odd how hindsight always leave me thinking, 'what was i thinking?!?!'
so i was thinking about this Moses prayer of 'don't let me leave without YOU!'.
i've been praying that same prayer for several years now. but i'm starting to think that my prayer has GOT to be altered...
1st off, it's not about Him following me...it's about me following Him. now don't get me wrong, all these years i think my motives have attempted to be right. whether they are right or not remains to be seen...
but my whole perspective is changing...instead of saying,
"go with me! these dreams won't leave me alone, and i'm not leaving without You! i'm stompin my foot down in a good ol' tantrum!"
funny, that prayer of Moses...i turned it upside down in my head. for me, leaving the desert is about fulfilling long-awaited dreams.
and He wants me to fulfill these dreams as much as i do. i think the dreams are my agenda. in reality, it is He that is my agenda. nothing else. yet, He has originated these dreams to fulfill His purpose for me in this life. it's funny that i make this demand as if He's not gonna' be there. i can so see Him laughing at me. here i am, so stressed out about Him going with me. when all the time, His Presence was never the question.
mine was.
a few weeks ago, God simply said 'stop.'
"Annetta, if you're following Me, then I'll be with you. the desires in your heart...you think they're from you. actually, they're My desires for you. follow me. My will will be fulfilled through you."
i'm now saying,
"i get it. You're head-over-heels for me. these dreams are as much (if not more) Your concern than they are mine. so....where are You going? You do know that i'm head-over-heels for You too don't You? that means, wherever You go, well, i go. Your way."
and i think He's saying back..."follow My heartbeat."
so i am. pursuing all of Him that i know. listening so close. loving Him more dearly every day.
the Great Romance is mine.
and i am His.
i'm stoppin' the stressin'.
i'm simply following.
i think i'm leavin' the desert.
and my heart is taken.
i can just hear Moses sayin' this too...heart beating super-sonic speed...palms sweaty...after all, he was talking to the GOD OF THE UNIVERSE. making demands of God. a little bit of a scary place to be if you ask me!
but i do make demands. big demands. and much the same demands as Moses.
a while back, at Rocky Mountain Church, pastor Jess spoke on prayer...making demands of God. my first thought was the story in Luke of the poor woman to the mean, ol' ruler. she begged and begged and begged him for something until he relented. i can just hear his speech in modern day,
"woman! you're drivin' me crazy! take whatever you want...only LEAVE ME BE!"
but this isn't really where i generally fall in my beggin prayers with the Lord. i'm not always on the up-n-up when i beg for something...it's generally something that i momentarily believe i can't live without. but it's odd how hindsight always leave me thinking, 'what was i thinking?!?!'
so i was thinking about this Moses prayer of 'don't let me leave without YOU!'.
i've been praying that same prayer for several years now. but i'm starting to think that my prayer has GOT to be altered...
1st off, it's not about Him following me...it's about me following Him. now don't get me wrong, all these years i think my motives have attempted to be right. whether they are right or not remains to be seen...
but my whole perspective is changing...instead of saying,
"go with me! these dreams won't leave me alone, and i'm not leaving without You! i'm stompin my foot down in a good ol' tantrum!"
funny, that prayer of Moses...i turned it upside down in my head. for me, leaving the desert is about fulfilling long-awaited dreams.
and He wants me to fulfill these dreams as much as i do. i think the dreams are my agenda. in reality, it is He that is my agenda. nothing else. yet, He has originated these dreams to fulfill His purpose for me in this life. it's funny that i make this demand as if He's not gonna' be there. i can so see Him laughing at me. here i am, so stressed out about Him going with me. when all the time, His Presence was never the question.
mine was.
a few weeks ago, God simply said 'stop.'
"Annetta, if you're following Me, then I'll be with you. the desires in your heart...you think they're from you. actually, they're My desires for you. follow me. My will will be fulfilled through you."
i'm now saying,
"i get it. You're head-over-heels for me. these dreams are as much (if not more) Your concern than they are mine. so....where are You going? You do know that i'm head-over-heels for You too don't You? that means, wherever You go, well, i go. Your way."
and i think He's saying back..."follow My heartbeat."
so i am. pursuing all of Him that i know. listening so close. loving Him more dearly every day.
the Great Romance is mine.
and i am His.
i'm stoppin' the stressin'.
i'm simply following.
i think i'm leavin' the desert.
and my heart is taken.
Tuesday, May 1, 2007
grey brilliance
it's raining today.
my last day in Estes Park. and there's a steady drizzle outside....
so. i took a walk around the lake. and i am, once again, blown away with the view of His creation...as the mountains peek in and out of clouds, it dawned on me.
grey.
we live in a world of grey. We live all our lives among shadows and broken things.
this is a bit funny to me...grey has been my favorite color for a while now. i'm offtimes afraid to admit it for fear of being labeled morbid or lackluster. but all the same, grey it is.
why grey?
and how, you ask, can i look at these majestic mountains and say, "grey"? i mean, they're fantastically beautiful. they're winsome in their calling us to worship. am i not really appreciating them for their true beauty?
i see them as grey because i'm comparing them to their eternal reality.
think about it:
heaven = Technicolor
thus, we're grey.
looking at the recent events in Virginia, it's easy to label this a big, bad world. some of you might even say that the world is BLACK. but even amidst the pain and strife and and dark, there is a hint of redemption present.
sorrows are mourned.
pain endured.
lives strengthened. all in view of the cross.
the cross is our connection to eternity.
please don't think i'm making light of the recent events. rather, i'm broken for them and for us and for our world. but even as i look at the world and want to label it all 'bad', i realize that it is bad. it is evil. but it is also in the midst of a battle of good and evil. their is white, purity present. the lives of the saints are the light of the world. but as the world is full of dark and light souls....the mottled result is: grey.
our hope is....
as eternity echoes in today, the grey starts to glow....it's as if it picks up little traces of what is to come, and the grey of today becomes brilliant.
yes. it's still grey.
but there's a brilliance...a touch of the eternal in the present.
live life seeing the brilliance of grey in the everyday.
my last day in Estes Park. and there's a steady drizzle outside....
so. i took a walk around the lake. and i am, once again, blown away with the view of His creation...as the mountains peek in and out of clouds, it dawned on me.
grey.
we live in a world of grey. We live all our lives among shadows and broken things.
this is a bit funny to me...grey has been my favorite color for a while now. i'm offtimes afraid to admit it for fear of being labeled morbid or lackluster. but all the same, grey it is.
why grey?
and how, you ask, can i look at these majestic mountains and say, "grey"? i mean, they're fantastically beautiful. they're winsome in their calling us to worship. am i not really appreciating them for their true beauty?
i see them as grey because i'm comparing them to their eternal reality.
think about it:
heaven = Technicolor
thus, we're grey.
looking at the recent events in Virginia, it's easy to label this a big, bad world. some of you might even say that the world is BLACK. but even amidst the pain and strife and and dark, there is a hint of redemption present.
sorrows are mourned.
pain endured.
lives strengthened. all in view of the cross.
the cross is our connection to eternity.
please don't think i'm making light of the recent events. rather, i'm broken for them and for us and for our world. but even as i look at the world and want to label it all 'bad', i realize that it is bad. it is evil. but it is also in the midst of a battle of good and evil. their is white, purity present. the lives of the saints are the light of the world. but as the world is full of dark and light souls....the mottled result is: grey.
our hope is....
as eternity echoes in today, the grey starts to glow....it's as if it picks up little traces of what is to come, and the grey of today becomes brilliant.
yes. it's still grey.
but there's a brilliance...a touch of the eternal in the present.
live life seeing the brilliance of grey in the everyday.
Monday, April 30, 2007
a rose by any other name...
no. i'm not trying to say i'm on the same level as shakespeare.
a name...what IS in a name? i look at my sister's names and think, "Betsie. Corrie. Ten Boom. pretty noble heritage." i take a look at the meaning of mine, "full of grace" and realize, i am exactly as i've been labelled.
but there's so much more to our identity than our simple naming.
i've read several things lately on this...
one of these is a book, Circle of Quiet by Madeliene L'Engle...amazing woman. amazing book. if i wasn't so set on being the best annetta He created me to be, well, i would simply want to be the next great Madeleine. she speaks of our identities...of the things that happen in life to negatively create an aura of our identitites that just isn't true! we believe so much about how people interact with us, about things we see others doing...we see and hear and internalize all the different messages and come up with a distorted view of who we are created to be.
in Velvet Elvis, Rob Bell says,
"I was making lists of all the people I was working to keep happy. My therapists said it was clear that there were significant numbers of people I was spending a significant amount of time working to please and that my issue was a simple one.
a name...what IS in a name? i look at my sister's names and think, "Betsie. Corrie. Ten Boom. pretty noble heritage." i take a look at the meaning of mine, "full of grace" and realize, i am exactly as i've been labelled.
but there's so much more to our identity than our simple naming.
i've read several things lately on this...
one of these is a book, Circle of Quiet by Madeliene L'Engle...amazing woman. amazing book. if i wasn't so set on being the best annetta He created me to be, well, i would simply want to be the next great Madeleine. she speaks of our identities...of the things that happen in life to negatively create an aura of our identitites that just isn't true! we believe so much about how people interact with us, about things we see others doing...we see and hear and internalize all the different messages and come up with a distorted view of who we are created to be.
in Velvet Elvis, Rob Bell says,
"I was making lists of all the people I was working to keep happy. My therapists said it was clear that there were significant numbers of people I was spending a significant amount of time working to please and that my issue was a simple one.
I was anticipating something quite profound and enlightening as I got out my pen.
He said this: 'sin.'
And then he said, in what has become a pivotal moment in my journey, 'Your job is the relentless pursuit of who God has made you to be. And anything else you do is sin and you need to repent of it.'
wow.
wow.
i'm here.
praying He stops nothing short of working out His created purpose in my life today...
being the best created annetta i can be,
annetta
Friday, April 20, 2007
powerful creation
muck.
ugliness.
envy.
anger… fear.
i get so bogged down in my sin. the muck overwhelms me. and all i can see is my dirt.
i've been this way for a while, i am so good at identifying the ugly parts of me. and i live in that self-identity.
so sad. honestly.
He has created me.
thus, i am created to be a beautiful, wonderful human being.
a glorious creation unlike any other.
reading through the Gospels, Jesus often seemed a little exasperated with the disciples. i mean, who wouldn't be? as a rabbi, Jesus had called them to follow and learn from Him. if you look back through rabbinical codes, etc., it's clear that a rabbi doesn't invite an oaf of an individual to follow him.
a rabbi weighs and judges the abilities of the individual first. upon seeing the person is capable of following him, he invites the individual follow him. when Jesus was frustrated with the disciples, it was not because he was thinking,
"wow. how'd I get stuck with these bozo's?!"
rather, he was frustrated with them because He knew He had created them with every ability to accomplish the tasks at hand.
He knew they could follow Him...they just kept getting bogged down in 'stuff'.
maybe Peter kept thinking, "oh gosh. i screwed up last time...can't screw up this time...better not say the wrong things..." and in his overanalyzing, hyper-sensitivity, ultra-stressed state, he missed the point. and screwed up.
i think we call that self-fulfilling prophecy.
Rob Bell enlightens Jesus' relationship with the disciples for me in Velvet Elvis. Jesus didn't leave the disciples with the Great Commission because He felt they couldn't do it. rather, He left the disciples with the Great Commission because He knew they could do it.
granted, they also got the Holy Spirit as a little parting gift.
still, Jesus was frustrated with them because He knew they had such great abilities and potential and they simply weren't living up to that potential. and Jesus knew a thing or two about their potential. after all, He was there when they were created.
He knew what they were capable of.
and He thought they were capable of much, much more.
i've had Marianne Williamson's words in my head since i got to Estes:
Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate, but that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, handsome, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God within us. It is not just in some; it is in everyone. And, as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
ok. don't get me wrong. i self-help mumbo-jumbo as much as anyone. but i don't think recognizing our God given purpose and created ability is self-help talk. i think comprehending that God created me with much more power and beauty than i give Him credit for is actually discrediting His creation...it's failing to give glory.
it's failing to allow the glorious, created version of me to exist.
but i am slowly becoming that woman...
i remember reading C.S. Lewis's depiction of Adam and Eve in his sci-fi book Pereleandra. Lewis's Adam wasn't a wimpy, burdened-down-with-his-depravity sort of creature. rather, he was beautiful in his terrible awesomeness. the gloriousness of his created being was manifested for all to drink in. and the lady that represented Eve? how could i fail to mention her?!? she was the embodiment of all that is gracious and lovely and beautiful. she had such a pure heart of trust with the Lord. yet a strength about her that was evident in the very way she walked.
she was the epitome of grace and beauty.
of the mighty, yet gentle and quiet spirit.
beautiful inside and out.
how do i become that same 'eve' i was created to be? sure. i still have areas of muck to be waded through and cleared out. BUT, i am increasingly freed from this curse as i embrace the fullness of His grace. is there a terribly, awesome, glorious Annetta that awaits only my standing up and becoming? is it an issue of simply becoming me? is it an ontological issue, an issue of simply being who i am? meanwhile, am i falling short of my created purpose?
i oftimes live as if someone has sliced a little into my Achilles heel. i live as if i'm crippled a little...in all honesty, i think most of the time my Father is saying,
"stand up My child! I've created you for far greater than this...you are falling short only because you choose to fall short, and not because i created you a little 'less' than perceived potential. live out My purpose for you today!"
so today.
i am relentlessly pursuing the created Annetta. not in a 'self-actualized' kinda' way. but in a "i'm a daughter of the King, created with specific and magnificent abilities to love Him" kinda' way...
i'm living out my true identity...
magnifico! that He has created me! and that He spent time on me, just as He did the brilliant, majestic, terrible, beautiful mountains that surround...i am humbled as i reach for the higher heights He has created me for...let's reach together.
not to be better than one another.
but to be a better me. let's be who we were created to friends!
and let's change the world.
ugliness.
envy.
anger… fear.
i get so bogged down in my sin. the muck overwhelms me. and all i can see is my dirt.
i've been this way for a while, i am so good at identifying the ugly parts of me. and i live in that self-identity.
so sad. honestly.
He has created me.
thus, i am created to be a beautiful, wonderful human being.
a glorious creation unlike any other.
reading through the Gospels, Jesus often seemed a little exasperated with the disciples. i mean, who wouldn't be? as a rabbi, Jesus had called them to follow and learn from Him. if you look back through rabbinical codes, etc., it's clear that a rabbi doesn't invite an oaf of an individual to follow him.
a rabbi weighs and judges the abilities of the individual first. upon seeing the person is capable of following him, he invites the individual follow him. when Jesus was frustrated with the disciples, it was not because he was thinking,
"wow. how'd I get stuck with these bozo's?!"
rather, he was frustrated with them because He knew He had created them with every ability to accomplish the tasks at hand.
He knew they could follow Him...they just kept getting bogged down in 'stuff'.
maybe Peter kept thinking, "oh gosh. i screwed up last time...can't screw up this time...better not say the wrong things..." and in his overanalyzing, hyper-sensitivity, ultra-stressed state, he missed the point. and screwed up.
i think we call that self-fulfilling prophecy.
Rob Bell enlightens Jesus' relationship with the disciples for me in Velvet Elvis. Jesus didn't leave the disciples with the Great Commission because He felt they couldn't do it. rather, He left the disciples with the Great Commission because He knew they could do it.
granted, they also got the Holy Spirit as a little parting gift.
still, Jesus was frustrated with them because He knew they had such great abilities and potential and they simply weren't living up to that potential. and Jesus knew a thing or two about their potential. after all, He was there when they were created.
He knew what they were capable of.
and He thought they were capable of much, much more.
i've had Marianne Williamson's words in my head since i got to Estes:
Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate, but that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, handsome, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God within us. It is not just in some; it is in everyone. And, as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
ok. don't get me wrong. i self-help mumbo-jumbo as much as anyone. but i don't think recognizing our God given purpose and created ability is self-help talk. i think comprehending that God created me with much more power and beauty than i give Him credit for is actually discrediting His creation...it's failing to give glory.
it's failing to allow the glorious, created version of me to exist.
but i am slowly becoming that woman...
i remember reading C.S. Lewis's depiction of Adam and Eve in his sci-fi book Pereleandra. Lewis's Adam wasn't a wimpy, burdened-down-with-his-depravity sort of creature. rather, he was beautiful in his terrible awesomeness. the gloriousness of his created being was manifested for all to drink in. and the lady that represented Eve? how could i fail to mention her?!? she was the embodiment of all that is gracious and lovely and beautiful. she had such a pure heart of trust with the Lord. yet a strength about her that was evident in the very way she walked.
she was the epitome of grace and beauty.
of the mighty, yet gentle and quiet spirit.
beautiful inside and out.
how do i become that same 'eve' i was created to be? sure. i still have areas of muck to be waded through and cleared out. BUT, i am increasingly freed from this curse as i embrace the fullness of His grace. is there a terribly, awesome, glorious Annetta that awaits only my standing up and becoming? is it an issue of simply becoming me? is it an ontological issue, an issue of simply being who i am? meanwhile, am i falling short of my created purpose?
i oftimes live as if someone has sliced a little into my Achilles heel. i live as if i'm crippled a little...in all honesty, i think most of the time my Father is saying,
"stand up My child! I've created you for far greater than this...you are falling short only because you choose to fall short, and not because i created you a little 'less' than perceived potential. live out My purpose for you today!"
so today.
i am relentlessly pursuing the created Annetta. not in a 'self-actualized' kinda' way. but in a "i'm a daughter of the King, created with specific and magnificent abilities to love Him" kinda' way...
i'm living out my true identity...
magnifico! that He has created me! and that He spent time on me, just as He did the brilliant, majestic, terrible, beautiful mountains that surround...i am humbled as i reach for the higher heights He has created me for...let's reach together.
not to be better than one another.
but to be a better me. let's be who we were created to friends!
and let's change the world.
Monday, April 16, 2007
a sinus infectionated epiphany
first off...can 'infectionated' really be a real word?
it all starts with my walk to the library today. to check email. post, etc., i use the great city library of Estes Park. fun. as i trek from my house the view is gorgeous and the thoughts are always abundant.
i was thinking back to my first few weeks at Estes...i remember scrambling to try and figure out something to write...i knew i had a whole lotta' stuff happenin in the ol' 'hopper', but didn't really have words for anything yet. so...i didn't post much. and what i did post oftimes was only comprehensive for yours trully.
and now...well...i could write for days on all the things that seem to be nicely fittin' together.
my thought as i was walking was this: it's like a sinus infection....my head was so stuffed up with all kinds of stuff. then the Word came along like a perfect prescription drug....and slowly but surely, the crazy stuff has drained out of my head and left...well, hopefully left only good stuff.
nothing groundbreaking here.
just a humourous thought on mucuos (sp?) to alienate the average reader.
(sorry shirley!)
love y'all....
start my trek homeward presently.
so much...
it all starts with my walk to the library today. to check email. post, etc., i use the great city library of Estes Park. fun. as i trek from my house the view is gorgeous and the thoughts are always abundant.
i was thinking back to my first few weeks at Estes...i remember scrambling to try and figure out something to write...i knew i had a whole lotta' stuff happenin in the ol' 'hopper', but didn't really have words for anything yet. so...i didn't post much. and what i did post oftimes was only comprehensive for yours trully.
and now...well...i could write for days on all the things that seem to be nicely fittin' together.
my thought as i was walking was this: it's like a sinus infection....my head was so stuffed up with all kinds of stuff. then the Word came along like a perfect prescription drug....and slowly but surely, the crazy stuff has drained out of my head and left...well, hopefully left only good stuff.
nothing groundbreaking here.
just a humourous thought on mucuos (sp?) to alienate the average reader.
(sorry shirley!)
love y'all....
start my trek homeward presently.
so much...
Saturday, April 14, 2007
the last of the trilogy....fear v. love
it was 2am. i was losing in a battle against a sinus infection, had a total of 17 hours of sleep in the last 4 nights, and had a 10 hour drive in store for myself the next day.
yet...
i was sitting in a hotel lobby chatting with a friend about weaknesses...his weakness?
he responded:
"a fear of man."
(i think for a moment before responding)
"What? what's 'fear of man'?"
i mean let's think about it: are we really 'afraid' of the guy sitting next to us? do i really flinch when someone walks by because i think he'll cause me pain?
while my friend never really explained his fear simply enough for this simple brain, i've been thinking about his comments ever since that evening several months ago...
have you read C.S. Lewis' space trilogy? me neither. but i did recently read the 2nd in the series, "Perelandra". The lead character, Ransom, fears the 'un-man' character in the story...why? because this particular 'un-man' is actually a human body inhabited by satan. makes ya wanna go check out the gruesomeness now doesn't it?!?
even as i read the story, i was a little creeped out by the 'un-man'. there's something unnerving when even considering a human body is inhabited by satan.
towards the end of the book, Ransom had to actually fight the 'un-man' in hand-to-hand combat. prior to the fight, the thought of touching the 'un-man', much less fighting him, totally freaked Ransom out. but, once he started fighting the 'un-man', he found that the creature was really not something to be so paralyzingly scared of.
my whole point is not to eek you out or to get you to swear of of any future possibility of reading the trilogy.
rather...my thought on fear is: confront it. sounds simple eh? a textbook answer even. but, once we confront it, it's not near as scary.
occasionally, i freak out about a boogey man in the closet. crazy. but i really do. and when this happens, i have 1 of 2 choices: freak out and lay there til morning, or check out the closet, all the while quoting Joshua 1:9. i sleep much better when i go ahead and shuffle a few hangers about checking for traces of slimy monsters.
knowing that He loves me, i face the fears. He'll take care of me.
yet...
i was sitting in a hotel lobby chatting with a friend about weaknesses...his weakness?
he responded:
"a fear of man."
(i think for a moment before responding)
"What? what's 'fear of man'?"
i mean let's think about it: are we really 'afraid' of the guy sitting next to us? do i really flinch when someone walks by because i think he'll cause me pain?
while my friend never really explained his fear simply enough for this simple brain, i've been thinking about his comments ever since that evening several months ago...
have you read C.S. Lewis' space trilogy? me neither. but i did recently read the 2nd in the series, "Perelandra". The lead character, Ransom, fears the 'un-man' character in the story...why? because this particular 'un-man' is actually a human body inhabited by satan. makes ya wanna go check out the gruesomeness now doesn't it?!?
even as i read the story, i was a little creeped out by the 'un-man'. there's something unnerving when even considering a human body is inhabited by satan.
towards the end of the book, Ransom had to actually fight the 'un-man' in hand-to-hand combat. prior to the fight, the thought of touching the 'un-man', much less fighting him, totally freaked Ransom out. but, once he started fighting the 'un-man', he found that the creature was really not something to be so paralyzingly scared of.
my whole point is not to eek you out or to get you to swear of of any future possibility of reading the trilogy.
rather...my thought on fear is: confront it. sounds simple eh? a textbook answer even. but, once we confront it, it's not near as scary.
occasionally, i freak out about a boogey man in the closet. crazy. but i really do. and when this happens, i have 1 of 2 choices: freak out and lay there til morning, or check out the closet, all the while quoting Joshua 1:9. i sleep much better when i go ahead and shuffle a few hangers about checking for traces of slimy monsters.
knowing that He loves me, i face the fears. He'll take care of me.
Thursday, April 12, 2007
Fear V. Love...Round 2.
i find myself really 'getting' Peter these days...
i totally get his denial of Christ following the crowing in the garden...sad that i 'get' him huh? but, if you think about it, i mean, Peter really loved Jesus. with all of his heart i believe...at least all of his heart that he knew about.
the problem was, Peter didn't even know that he had a pocket of fear. i don't think he thought anything would be scary...after all, he was a hulking, blustering, tough fisherman. isn't he supposed to be able to chew lead or something of that sort?
Peter did love Jesus. he loved Him SOO much. shouldn't this love have been enough? a love for a sinless human being, who had given him purpose...Jesus had made Peter's life worthwhile...given him meaning...
peter was scared of a few men...he was scared what they'd do to him...the same peter that had no problem fighting folks off with a knife was now cowered by the testimony of a servant .
peter let his fear control him.
i'm learning more about fear every day...how it swallows up love. i kinda' even think it might be the root of all sin.
more on fear to come....
i totally get his denial of Christ following the crowing in the garden...sad that i 'get' him huh? but, if you think about it, i mean, Peter really loved Jesus. with all of his heart i believe...at least all of his heart that he knew about.
the problem was, Peter didn't even know that he had a pocket of fear. i don't think he thought anything would be scary...after all, he was a hulking, blustering, tough fisherman. isn't he supposed to be able to chew lead or something of that sort?
Peter did love Jesus. he loved Him SOO much. shouldn't this love have been enough? a love for a sinless human being, who had given him purpose...Jesus had made Peter's life worthwhile...given him meaning...
peter was scared of a few men...he was scared what they'd do to him...the same peter that had no problem fighting folks off with a knife was now cowered by the testimony of a servant .
peter let his fear control him.
i'm learning more about fear every day...how it swallows up love. i kinda' even think it might be the root of all sin.
more on fear to come....
Monday, April 9, 2007
abstracted versus distracted
how do you live life in an unseen world?
it'd almost be easier to understand if i were deaf or blind...or SOMETHING....
if i was blind or deaf or dumb, i'd realize that there IS in fact SOMETHING out there that i'm not engaging in.
it's not hard for a deaf man to 'get it' that there are sounds going on that he doesn't hear...
he sees mouths moving...but doesn't 'hear' a thing...
for the blind man, he can't know the beauty of a sunrise from looking it at.
for the deaf man, the perfect strains of yoyo ma's violin are lost.
these individuals are poignantly aware of a reality outside of their paradigm.
the abstract is hard for obvious reasons....you can't SEE what you're going for! you have to go have a quiet heart to even know it's there...you have to actually stop for a moment and BREATHE to realize that something other than the distracted life exists!
the distracted life is hard in it's own way...after all, living a life for the shadows of what isn't real...
it's like Plato's cave**...you know the story from a random college course you took...or if you're too young for college, take note: it'll gain ya points on a future test!
the cave is like this...there once was a man. he lived in a cave. he'd never been out of that cave. in that cave, all he had was a fire. that fire was his only light. and when the fire was blazing, it's shadows would dance on the wall...
the man started to see people in the shadows. he started to make up names and identities for each of the dancing shadows. he started to think that the shadow people were real people....he started to name them things like bob and sue and....you get my drift. it was as if he was naming volleyballs 'wilson' or something...
he was goin' a little 'off book'....
funny thing? the man was completely unaware of the reality right around the corner....
15 feet around the bend of the wall, there was an opening in the cave. and out in the 'opening' there was a whole real world with all sorts of real, not shadow, people. there were real bob's and sue's and wilson's to befriend.
now what if Plato's funny little man were to go into the real world? would he find 'real' people to be a bore and go back to his shadow people?
NO! absolutely not!
anyone who has tasted the real thing refuses to go back to the fake stuff.
there is this eternal reality that underlies everything in this world...
if we listen close enough, we can hear it...
if we breath deep enough, we can almost smell it...
if we open our mouths wide enough, He will fill us with it....
but at all times, in all places there is this 'premonition' that there is, in fact, a deeper underlying reality to 'life'.
we see some folks chasing all sorts of fantastical religious ideas, all in the name of this spiritual abstract. but the reality is, that abstract is an eternal reality of the course He has set this world upon.
the only way Jesus could have made it to the cross, in His 100% human self***, was that He was deeply connected and in tune with this deeper reality.
He knew that the world only took 7 days to create for the Originator of this reality...
and that same Originator held the reigns of His crucifiction...
Jesus was a moving, breathing human being living in the abstract realm of this world's eternal reality.
if He, as 100% human, can live in that way, cannot i?
it seems so elusive...it moves beyond my grasp every time i reach for it...
Jesus went away to the mountains...
i'm in the mountains.
He went by Himself to pray.
i'm by myself. i pray...oh to pray more!
but in Jesus prayer times, He was totally abandoned to the desires of the Father...
i find that this indeed is the struggle under the surface for me.
i have so many things i want...
dreams fulfilled:
music to be sung,
husband and family
dreams that right now are more abstract than REAL, shadows to which I have grown accustomed
to give this all up seems almost heretical. after all, aren't all these dreams good?
have no fear, i recognize the need to wait...how it's "to refine you." how the waiting is what makes me more Christlike.
but today. in the aloneness of this mountain. i am frustrated and tired of waiting. today, it's easier to live life distracted...today it's distracted versus abstracted...and let's just say, the distracted seems to be be inching ahead.
today, it's easier to be content with shadows.
i know, i know. put down the philosophy books, stop butchering the classics.
but the basic premise of the whole deal is what i've been sitting in for a while...
trying to live in the abstract. learning how to live life in the unseen realm...
Psalm 37:3-9 has been a little bit of a help with this recently...
Trust in the LORD and do good;
Dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness.
Delight yourself in the LORD;
And He will give you the desires of your heart.
Commit your way to the LORD,
Trust also in Him, and He will do it.
He will bring forth your righteousness as the light
And your judgment as the noonday.
Rest in the LORD and wait patiently for Him;
Do not fret because of him who prospers in his way,
Because of the man who carries out wicked schemes.
Cease from anger and forsake wrath;
Do not fret; it leads only to evildoing.
For evildoers will be cut off,
But those who wait for the LORD, they will inherit the land.
and i'm still sitting, arrested, in Psalm 131...
Lord let my soul rest today in Your abstract, eternal, true reality!
cya on the flipside!
annetta
**Plato: Book VII of The Republic, The Allegory of the Cave
***Think not that i would EVER belittle Jesus being 100% God AND 100% man...i am simply relating to His 100% man side here...i am not God and have not much in common with that side of Jesus....except for that whole "i am in Christ, Christ is in God, Christ is in me, i have the Holy Spirit" thing...
it'd almost be easier to understand if i were deaf or blind...or SOMETHING....
if i was blind or deaf or dumb, i'd realize that there IS in fact SOMETHING out there that i'm not engaging in.
it's not hard for a deaf man to 'get it' that there are sounds going on that he doesn't hear...
he sees mouths moving...but doesn't 'hear' a thing...
for the blind man, he can't know the beauty of a sunrise from looking it at.
for the deaf man, the perfect strains of yoyo ma's violin are lost.
these individuals are poignantly aware of a reality outside of their paradigm.
the abstract is hard for obvious reasons....you can't SEE what you're going for! you have to go have a quiet heart to even know it's there...you have to actually stop for a moment and BREATHE to realize that something other than the distracted life exists!
the distracted life is hard in it's own way...after all, living a life for the shadows of what isn't real...
it's like Plato's cave**...you know the story from a random college course you took...or if you're too young for college, take note: it'll gain ya points on a future test!
the cave is like this...there once was a man. he lived in a cave. he'd never been out of that cave. in that cave, all he had was a fire. that fire was his only light. and when the fire was blazing, it's shadows would dance on the wall...
the man started to see people in the shadows. he started to make up names and identities for each of the dancing shadows. he started to think that the shadow people were real people....he started to name them things like bob and sue and....you get my drift. it was as if he was naming volleyballs 'wilson' or something...
he was goin' a little 'off book'....
funny thing? the man was completely unaware of the reality right around the corner....
15 feet around the bend of the wall, there was an opening in the cave. and out in the 'opening' there was a whole real world with all sorts of real, not shadow, people. there were real bob's and sue's and wilson's to befriend.
now what if Plato's funny little man were to go into the real world? would he find 'real' people to be a bore and go back to his shadow people?
NO! absolutely not!
anyone who has tasted the real thing refuses to go back to the fake stuff.
there is this eternal reality that underlies everything in this world...
if we listen close enough, we can hear it...
if we breath deep enough, we can almost smell it...
if we open our mouths wide enough, He will fill us with it....
but at all times, in all places there is this 'premonition' that there is, in fact, a deeper underlying reality to 'life'.
we see some folks chasing all sorts of fantastical religious ideas, all in the name of this spiritual abstract. but the reality is, that abstract is an eternal reality of the course He has set this world upon.
the only way Jesus could have made it to the cross, in His 100% human self***, was that He was deeply connected and in tune with this deeper reality.
He knew that the world only took 7 days to create for the Originator of this reality...
and that same Originator held the reigns of His crucifiction...
Jesus was a moving, breathing human being living in the abstract realm of this world's eternal reality.
if He, as 100% human, can live in that way, cannot i?
it seems so elusive...it moves beyond my grasp every time i reach for it...
Jesus went away to the mountains...
i'm in the mountains.
He went by Himself to pray.
i'm by myself. i pray...oh to pray more!
but in Jesus prayer times, He was totally abandoned to the desires of the Father...
i find that this indeed is the struggle under the surface for me.
i have so many things i want...
dreams fulfilled:
music to be sung,
husband and family
dreams that right now are more abstract than REAL, shadows to which I have grown accustomed
to give this all up seems almost heretical. after all, aren't all these dreams good?
have no fear, i recognize the need to wait...how it's "to refine you." how the waiting is what makes me more Christlike.
but today. in the aloneness of this mountain. i am frustrated and tired of waiting. today, it's easier to live life distracted...today it's distracted versus abstracted...and let's just say, the distracted seems to be be inching ahead.
today, it's easier to be content with shadows.
i know, i know. put down the philosophy books, stop butchering the classics.
but the basic premise of the whole deal is what i've been sitting in for a while...
trying to live in the abstract. learning how to live life in the unseen realm...
Psalm 37:3-9 has been a little bit of a help with this recently...
Trust in the LORD and do good;
Dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness.
Delight yourself in the LORD;
And He will give you the desires of your heart.
Commit your way to the LORD,
Trust also in Him, and He will do it.
He will bring forth your righteousness as the light
And your judgment as the noonday.
Rest in the LORD and wait patiently for Him;
Do not fret because of him who prospers in his way,
Because of the man who carries out wicked schemes.
Cease from anger and forsake wrath;
Do not fret; it leads only to evildoing.
For evildoers will be cut off,
But those who wait for the LORD, they will inherit the land.
and i'm still sitting, arrested, in Psalm 131...
Lord let my soul rest today in Your abstract, eternal, true reality!
cya on the flipside!
annetta
**Plato: Book VII of The Republic, The Allegory of the Cave
***Think not that i would EVER belittle Jesus being 100% God AND 100% man...i am simply relating to His 100% man side here...i am not God and have not much in common with that side of Jesus....except for that whole "i am in Christ, Christ is in God, Christ is in me, i have the Holy Spirit" thing...
Saturday, April 7, 2007
Fear V. Love Pt. 1
in the battle of fear versus love, i cast my lots both ways...
somedays, i'm pushing for love, freedom, living in His Spirit of grace.
other days, i'm holding out for control.
and this control...of circumstances...of the way people think of me....of what happens in my life....
well, it's all dictated by this innate, underlying sense of fear. i'm afraid of what happens when i let go.
and the winner is....
i'm not sure yet.
TO BE CONTINUED....
somedays, i'm pushing for love, freedom, living in His Spirit of grace.
other days, i'm holding out for control.
and this control...of circumstances...of the way people think of me....of what happens in my life....
well, it's all dictated by this innate, underlying sense of fear. i'm afraid of what happens when i let go.
and the winner is....
i'm not sure yet.
TO BE CONTINUED....
Wednesday, April 4, 2007
p.s.
Hey guys!
so again, i'm having some computer problems with loading pics...BUT, if you look to the right column on my blog page, there's a link for 'my flickr photos'.
if you're so inclined, click on it and it'll take ya to a menagerie of pics..i took a few and my friend kendall took a few...
easy to detox at this altitude!
love ya!
a
so again, i'm having some computer problems with loading pics...BUT, if you look to the right column on my blog page, there's a link for 'my flickr photos'.
if you're so inclined, click on it and it'll take ya to a menagerie of pics..i took a few and my friend kendall took a few...
easy to detox at this altitude!
love ya!
a
detox, a personal soundtrack and an affinity to schizophrenia
i never realized my person comes complete with my own personal soundtrack!
it's funny...i'll wake up and have no music going on, then about lunch time, i'm humming (all in my brain of course) a tune of a pop song i haven't heard in weeks...
all the while, i can't figure out where the music is coming from!
in the 'normal' world, i'd listen really hard with my super-sonic hearing and quickly discern which cubicle or radio was projecting the music....
but now.
well, now i sometimes just resign myself to letting the song play out...or i'll intentionally change the station in my brain...
weird.
hard...
especially when a voice other than my own is a welcome thing....
i think it's all a part of the detox.
you know, detox. it's where all the bad gets sifted out of your system...makes you want all the good instead of craving the bad.
part of this 'detox' is cultivating a 'quiet, weaned' heart...Psalm 131 has been my go-to this week:
A Pilgrim Song
God, I'm not trying to rule the roost,
I don't want to be king of the mountain.
I haven't meddled where I have no business
or fantasized grandiose plans.
I've kept my feet on the ground,
I've cultivated a quiet heart.
Like a baby content in its mother's arms,
my soul is a baby content.
Wait, Israel, for God.
Wait with hope.
Hope now;
hope always!
So. that's what's happening in my world...trying to learn how to hear that whisper...i thought it was hard when there are so many voices outside.
i'm finding it's just as hard with so many voices inside...
i promise i'm not turning schizophrenic...at least i THINK i'm not turning schizo...
:)
thinking of so many of you this week...and praying His grace and favor as He pursues you and you pursue Him...wholeheartedly my friends! wholeheartedly!
annetta
p.s. this detox is almost as bad as a physical detox...less lemon and ginger though...
it's funny...i'll wake up and have no music going on, then about lunch time, i'm humming (all in my brain of course) a tune of a pop song i haven't heard in weeks...
all the while, i can't figure out where the music is coming from!
in the 'normal' world, i'd listen really hard with my super-sonic hearing and quickly discern which cubicle or radio was projecting the music....
but now.
well, now i sometimes just resign myself to letting the song play out...or i'll intentionally change the station in my brain...
weird.
hard...
especially when a voice other than my own is a welcome thing....
i think it's all a part of the detox.
you know, detox. it's where all the bad gets sifted out of your system...makes you want all the good instead of craving the bad.
part of this 'detox' is cultivating a 'quiet, weaned' heart...Psalm 131 has been my go-to this week:
A Pilgrim Song
God, I'm not trying to rule the roost,
I don't want to be king of the mountain.
I haven't meddled where I have no business
or fantasized grandiose plans.
I've kept my feet on the ground,
I've cultivated a quiet heart.
Like a baby content in its mother's arms,
my soul is a baby content.
Wait, Israel, for God.
Wait with hope.
Hope now;
hope always!
So. that's what's happening in my world...trying to learn how to hear that whisper...i thought it was hard when there are so many voices outside.
i'm finding it's just as hard with so many voices inside...
i promise i'm not turning schizophrenic...at least i THINK i'm not turning schizo...
:)
thinking of so many of you this week...and praying His grace and favor as He pursues you and you pursue Him...wholeheartedly my friends! wholeheartedly!
annetta
p.s. this detox is almost as bad as a physical detox...less lemon and ginger though...
Thursday, March 29, 2007
snakes, lawnmowers and skin....
i absolutely hate snakes.
they make me involuntarily shiver with revulsion. i immediately clench my jaws and back away whenever i see a snake...my dad, a huge animal 'guy' loves snakes. he loves animals of all kinds. When we were kids, he'd accidentally run over snakes or frogs with the lawnmower, and we'd all have to come inspect the poor demised creature before burying it.
sad.
sick.
gross.
snakes and i seem to have something in common these days.
you know how they shed their skins? they leave behind that translucent film of their skin...if you hold it in the dark, it can almost look like a real snake....minus a few eyes.
these past few weeks, in a lotta' ways, i feel like i'm shedding skin.
let me explain:
My daily schedule generally is...i read all morning..then write a little music...eat lunch...go for a long hike....read and write some more...make and eat dinner...read a little more...and go to bed.
i'm alone all day.
i don't talk to any people.
i don't email...i don't phone call...i don't watch tv.
i don't even listen to music.
*gasp!*
i'm finding that i depend on electronic and interpersonal communication for a feeling of well-being.
after several days of this solitude, i made a few much-needed communications and watched my fav program, '24.' as i went to bed, i discovered i felt more 'at home'. may not make sense to you, but it was tragic to me. i realized how much i depend on people and communication in order to feel like 'me.'
this is not ok.
so....as the days pass (hopefully) i see the scales of this need fall from me...it's as if there's something being scraped off of me...
i still have so much more to be scraped...and i find that the longest stretch is to come in these next few weeks...
so...pray that my heart is so content with the sound of my Savior alone...
sometimes the silence is so deafening...
sometimes it reveals His voice so clearly...
sometimes it's rather muddy...
if i heard His voice constantly, i think i'd be ok...
So. pray that i learn to constantly, consistantly, hear His voice alone....
i so long for the day when His voice is the only one guiding me....
one quick thought:
His voice is the voice i was created to hear:
i hear His voice less than any other.
how far i've strayed.
i miss you all...the stories of your lives...hearing how things are....
i miss His voice more...
my soul aches for it.
they make me involuntarily shiver with revulsion. i immediately clench my jaws and back away whenever i see a snake...my dad, a huge animal 'guy' loves snakes. he loves animals of all kinds. When we were kids, he'd accidentally run over snakes or frogs with the lawnmower, and we'd all have to come inspect the poor demised creature before burying it.
sad.
sick.
gross.
snakes and i seem to have something in common these days.
you know how they shed their skins? they leave behind that translucent film of their skin...if you hold it in the dark, it can almost look like a real snake....minus a few eyes.
these past few weeks, in a lotta' ways, i feel like i'm shedding skin.
let me explain:
My daily schedule generally is...i read all morning..then write a little music...eat lunch...go for a long hike....read and write some more...make and eat dinner...read a little more...and go to bed.
i'm alone all day.
i don't talk to any people.
i don't email...i don't phone call...i don't watch tv.
i don't even listen to music.
*gasp!*
i'm finding that i depend on electronic and interpersonal communication for a feeling of well-being.
after several days of this solitude, i made a few much-needed communications and watched my fav program, '24.' as i went to bed, i discovered i felt more 'at home'. may not make sense to you, but it was tragic to me. i realized how much i depend on people and communication in order to feel like 'me.'
this is not ok.
so....as the days pass (hopefully) i see the scales of this need fall from me...it's as if there's something being scraped off of me...
i still have so much more to be scraped...and i find that the longest stretch is to come in these next few weeks...
so...pray that my heart is so content with the sound of my Savior alone...
sometimes the silence is so deafening...
sometimes it reveals His voice so clearly...
sometimes it's rather muddy...
if i heard His voice constantly, i think i'd be ok...
So. pray that i learn to constantly, consistantly, hear His voice alone....
i so long for the day when His voice is the only one guiding me....
one quick thought:
His voice is the voice i was created to hear:
i hear His voice less than any other.
how far i've strayed.
i miss you all...the stories of your lives...hearing how things are....
i miss His voice more...
my soul aches for it.
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
not in kansas anymore..praise GOD!
first off: the drive from Oklahoma City to Denver, via Kansas, is brutal.
400 miles of NOTHING.
nope. not exaggerating. nothing. when i saw signs for refreshment stops "Only 327 miles ahead!" i knew i was in trouble!
Let's catch up a bit with logistics...
2 weeks ago i was in Houston...a week ago in San Antonio. inbetween san antonio and denver: fort worth, Oklahoma City, Denver, Estes, Boulder and now back to Denver.
tomorrow Estes. for the solid block.
I was able to run up (an hours drive from Denver) to Estes Park yesterday to check out the new digs and meet my fantastic hosts: Larry and Karen...they're leaving for 3 months on Wednesday.
He was a Rocky Mountain National Park Ranger for 35 years...we went to lunch at a little local place where everyone knew their name and stopped at our table to chat. Larry kept me entertained and Karen grimacing during lunch as he told crazy rescue stories on the top of Long's Pea
k. Long's Peak, a '14er' as they call it, is a gruesome hike where you have to grab out the ice pic and freeclimb at the top. Larry, 71 years old, still climbs Long's every summer. i was warned to not be scared if i found someone in their garage borrowing equipment at all hours....
another dose of 'you're not in kansas anymore dorothy' was when i went for a quick walk and came within 4 feet of a massive elk. wow. Larry and Karen left me a bit of Elk in the freezer to try...i told them i'd know i was TRULLY in the rockies when i sat on the back porch watching elk, deer and rabbits while drinking coffee and prepping to summitt Alice Mountain...
alright...i'll post again shortly to give an update on a few inner matters...but for now. i thought you'd enjoy a few pics... :)
400 miles of NOTHING.
nope. not exaggerating. nothing. when i saw signs for refreshment stops "Only 327 miles ahead!" i knew i was in trouble!
Let's catch up a bit with logistics...
2 weeks ago i was in Houston...a week ago in San Antonio. inbetween san antonio and denver: fort worth, Oklahoma City, Denver, Estes, Boulder and now back to Denver.
tomorrow Estes. for the solid block.
I was able to run up (an hours drive from Denver) to Estes Park yesterday to check out the new digs and meet my fantastic hosts: Larry and Karen...they're leaving for 3 months on Wednesday.
He was a Rocky Mountain National Park Ranger for 35 years...we went to lunch at a little local place where everyone knew their name and stopped at our table to chat. Larry kept me entertained and Karen grimacing during lunch as he told crazy rescue stories on the top of Long's Pea
k. Long's Peak, a '14er' as they call it, is a gruesome hike where you have to grab out the ice pic and freeclimb at the top. Larry, 71 years old, still climbs Long's every summer. i was warned to not be scared if i found someone in their garage borrowing equipment at all hours....another dose of 'you're not in kansas anymore dorothy' was when i went for a quick walk and came within 4 feet of a massive elk. wow. Larry and Karen left me a bit of Elk in the freezer to try...i told them i'd know i was TRULLY in the rockies when i sat on the back porch watching elk, deer and rabbits while drinking coffee and prepping to summitt Alice Mountain...
alright...i'll post again shortly to give an update on a few inner matters...but for now. i thought you'd enjoy a few pics... :)
until!
**PICS:
1. the view surrounding my new running trail...
2. Larry and Karen...phenomenal folks.
3. a quick shot from a Boulder trail.
4. a view of Estes as i was leaving town...
Thursday, March 8, 2007
fabric softener.
problem.
for sarah grace's bday, all she wanted was to cook our fav dish together: grilled veggie salad with chicken and goat cheese. impressively sophisticated taste for a 12 year old. being the adoring sis that i am, i broke out the grill and she started cracking eggs...there were the brownies for her class, veggies and chicken to sautee, cornbread to bake, dishwasher turned on and even laundry in the dryer...it's been a regular martha stewart evening at the box house...sans the whole illegal thing. the smells of all that is domestic and wonderful should be permeating the air with goodness.
problem?
a little bit of the cornbread batter spilled over the edge of the pan into the bottom of the oven. about 2 tablespoons of batter...from about 6 cups of batter.
i can't smell any of those scrumptions and homey smells.
all i can smell is burnt cornbread.
now my olfactory senses aren't so sensitive that they really pick up on every nuance in the house, but this odor is so pungent that it's making dad cough and all eyes are watering. we're not really thinking of the homemade peanut-butter brownies (none of the peter pan stuff either). the amazing smell of fresh laundry is totally under wraps. we just smell those 2 tablespoons of corn mixture bubbling black on the bottom of the oven.
not a big thing. but...
i've been uber busy this past year with a bunch of really cool things the Lord has allowed me to take part in...working at tallowood, a few times leading at other churches, discipleship with students, finishing seminary, being under jerome's leadership, and sharing life with the countless people i am incredibly blessed to call my friends.
but amidst all this wonderfullness, it's as if a bit of batter spilled out...and i'm a bit burnt. i'm a bit burnt out.
now, what's the cause of this burntness...is it my time with the Lord? i don't think so...is it any person in particular? for sure NO! is it...the list could go on and on, but the point is, a little bit of batter has spilled out...and all i can smell is the burnt stuff.
we solve this dilemma at the box house by opening windows, going out to dinner and putting in a new load of laundry with extra fabric softener.
i believe He is solving this dilemma in my life by calling me away for a time. funny how He hits 2 birds with 1 stone eh? teaching me faith...calling me out...walking with no title...no job...no 'ministry'...all the while, He's breathing fresh air in me. He's adding a little extra softener to my character as He cleans, purifies, me. in the end, prayerfully i'll come out looking more like Him...maybe i'll have the whole wild-eyed Moses look...maybe i'll just be me...with less of me and more of Him. i'm praying for humility and gentleness.
but. what e'er the outcome...i pray this gutted, burnt life turns into an aroma in His Presence.
i've so far to go friends....thanks for journeying with me...i'm lifting you to Him tonight...many by name and all by the Spirit...
until,
annetta
p.s. this pic is the bday girl herself...precious lil one...couldn't be more proud!
for sarah grace's bday, all she wanted was to cook our fav dish together: grilled veggie salad with chicken and goat cheese. impressively sophisticated taste for a 12 year old. being the adoring sis that i am, i broke out the grill and she started cracking eggs...there were the brownies for her class, veggies and chicken to sautee, cornbread to bake, dishwasher turned on and even laundry in the dryer...it's been a regular martha stewart evening at the box house...sans the whole illegal thing. the smells of all that is domestic and wonderful should be permeating the air with goodness.
problem?
a little bit of the cornbread batter spilled over the edge of the pan into the bottom of the oven. about 2 tablespoons of batter...from about 6 cups of batter.
i can't smell any of those scrumptions and homey smells.
all i can smell is burnt cornbread.
now my olfactory senses aren't so sensitive that they really pick up on every nuance in the house, but this odor is so pungent that it's making dad cough and all eyes are watering. we're not really thinking of the homemade peanut-butter brownies (none of the peter pan stuff either). the amazing smell of fresh laundry is totally under wraps. we just smell those 2 tablespoons of corn mixture bubbling black on the bottom of the oven.
not a big thing. but...
i've been uber busy this past year with a bunch of really cool things the Lord has allowed me to take part in...working at tallowood, a few times leading at other churches, discipleship with students, finishing seminary, being under jerome's leadership, and sharing life with the countless people i am incredibly blessed to call my friends.
but amidst all this wonderfullness, it's as if a bit of batter spilled out...and i'm a bit burnt. i'm a bit burnt out.
now, what's the cause of this burntness...is it my time with the Lord? i don't think so...is it any person in particular? for sure NO! is it...the list could go on and on, but the point is, a little bit of batter has spilled out...and all i can smell is the burnt stuff.
we solve this dilemma at the box house by opening windows, going out to dinner and putting in a new load of laundry with extra fabric softener.
i believe He is solving this dilemma in my life by calling me away for a time. funny how He hits 2 birds with 1 stone eh? teaching me faith...calling me out...walking with no title...no job...no 'ministry'...all the while, He's breathing fresh air in me. He's adding a little extra softener to my character as He cleans, purifies, me. in the end, prayerfully i'll come out looking more like Him...maybe i'll have the whole wild-eyed Moses look...maybe i'll just be me...with less of me and more of Him. i'm praying for humility and gentleness.
but. what e'er the outcome...i pray this gutted, burnt life turns into an aroma in His Presence.
i've so far to go friends....thanks for journeying with me...i'm lifting you to Him tonight...many by name and all by the Spirit...
until,
annetta
p.s. this pic is the bday girl herself...precious lil one...couldn't be more proud!
jumper
fear.What an ugly little word.
debilitating,
i have a fear.
failure.
it's this deep thing in the pit of my stomache...rises up whenever i look at life through different colored lenses. makes tears rise to my eyes. grips me. paralyzing. and all my insecurities rise to the surface like flotsam and jetsam.
what if i failed? what if i fell flat on my face? who would hate me? who would still love me?
of course my friends wouldn't hate me. but they would feel sorry for me. and my pride would hate that. and i'd think that everyone was looking at me thinking, "too bad you failed..what are you going to do now?"
Seriously, is there anyone that has the ability to utterly disregard success and failure in the lives of others? doesn't a certain degree of success and failure directly effect the amount of friends one has? we see if someone is 'moving ahead' in life...we look at if they are working hard...at how they're putting their gifts and talents to use.
i find myself envying those folks who get up and simply DO it. they don't seem to mind that their failure is not only probable, but imminent. makes me think they don't care if they have friends or not...def not people pleasers...
if one of these risktakers fail, there's always a line of folks to line up and say 'i told ya so'...if a risktaker succeeds, those same folks just as easily line up to bask in the glory of success.
makes me wonder what success really is...
If glory really only belongs to the Lord...if all glory is God's, then sucess should be determined by what He is calling one to do. wow.
that means that in order for this journey of mine to be a 'success'...i need simply to walk in step with the Spirit each day...practicing the Presence of Him...
it'd be easier to make a worldly success of myself.
how do i get to this place...it's not some cheesy self-help book that brings me here. it's not a 'pick-yourself-up-day-after-day-and-do-these-10-steps' deal. i read a few verses in Psalm 37 that may just be David's wisdom on all this...
Keep company with God,
get in on the best.
Open up before God, keep nothing back;
He'll do whatever needs to be done:
He'll validate your life in the clear light of day
and stamp you with approval at high noon.
Quiet down before God,
be prayerful before Him.
(4b-7a)
get in on the best.
Open up before God, keep nothing back;
He'll do whatever needs to be done:
He'll validate your life in the clear light of day
and stamp you with approval at high noon.
Quiet down before God,
be prayerful before Him.
(4b-7a)
OH! my heart glories in this! His validation! His approval! His rest!
So. to faith. it's doing it. confronting the monster of busyness. beating him down with my bare fists actually. realizing the monster is me and is not me at the same time. embracing raw vulnerability & honesty. there will definitely be blood involved...if there hasn't been already.
stepping out in faith. maybe it's better described as a plunge into grace...where i am steeped in the water of His Spirit and come up soaking wet.
So here i go, stepping out on faith...plugging my nose...looking off the high dive...and jumping.
a cannonball is more my style.
**this pic is sarah grace at one of the college retreats at twood...
Wednesday, March 7, 2007
the previews have always been my favorite part...
i was gonna wait to start this whole 'blogging' business. i was gonna wait until i was in a picture perfect setting...in a cabin in estes park, CO. i was gonna wait until the large, mystical voice of God started booming through this puny, pink puffy brain, explaining in a flash the grand mysteries of life. i was gonna wait until my current character and my soon-to-be character were hyperbolic versions of each other. i was gonna wait until i started to see real live miracles, near death experiences on mountain tops...i was gonna wait until it seemed the journey had really begun.why blog if the trip hasn't started?
but....has the journey begun?
i mean, i've been thinking and sleeping and eating and breathing this 'faith adventure' for weeks. at the very least, the starting gate should have a gun going off and voices screaming encouragement as a sign that i'm on the way!
but maybe...maybe the journey HAS begun.
while my sitting in my parents house in san antonio may not be a picture perfect setting, and there is no ominous James Earl Jones voice haunting my thoughts, i do have a peace that surpasses human understanding and the sweet whisper of the Spirit more than compensates. His Word may still remain a mystery in more ways than a million, but He has given me my 'bread' for today.
a dear friend* emailed me these words:
Be assured our God will both show you Himself in this time – and then at the right time, will point you to what comes next. It’s always a “to be continued thing” with Him, is it not? And the continuation rests entirely on this rest in Him that really is foreign to our linear minds. Which makes it all the more sweet once we get that and let Him move us – no, sweep us – into the current of what turns out to be an amazing sort of grace...
i can't say it better than my eloquent beautiful friend. my heart rests today in being 'swept up' in this amazing sort of grace...
so while my mind still thinks there should be neon signs, flashing lights and little men in black suits with flashlights pointing the way to my seat to watch this whole thing unfold**...i'm content to walk in the commonality of today...sucking the marrow out of the moments He is allowing...thanking Him for His gentle provision and resting. yes my friends, i am resting. in Him...
praying for His foreign rest to become my norm...
love you.
annetta
*EH
**do i not even get previews? they're my favorite part!
p.s. Mary took this pic of the texas sky...
the story...at least the beginning...
Some of you may have no idea what t
his 'journey' i'm on is all about.
it's pretty simple. God told me to leave my job, my family and my friends, my home: destination, unknown.
if i think about it, honestly, i could end up right back where i started...physically that is.
Spiritually, i pray i'll be in a whole 'nother ballgame. i mean, let's think about this...trusting daily for the Lord to meet needs and still my heart...trusting Him to be my future and my hope...no 'plans' of my own that i know...kinda' like M6 all over again!***
what's this all stem from, you may ask...it started with an inclination in my spirit to pray for faith in the grand canyon...He continued the journey by giving me Isaiah 51:1&2,
"Listen to me, you who pursue righteousness and who seek the LORD:
Look to the rock from which you were cut and to the quarry from which
you were hewn; look to Abraham, your father, and to Sarah, who gave
you birth. When I called him he was but one, and I blessed him and
made him many."
And then He again confirmed the step by a peace in my spirit...a conviction of my heart...even a vision (i know, 'gasp!", i've gone pentecostal folks!). All to say, i am more convinced now, than ever before, that this is His will for my life at this time.
OK. enough for now...i just wanted to get the 'why' down. now we can concentrate on the 'what'...so.
until next time folks...same bat time, same bat channel....
annetta
p.s. this pic is from upstate ny in october '06...it just looked like what i think the other end of this journey is gonna look like...kinda' like the 'light at the end of the tunnel' without the whole tunnel vision effect...
***if you're interested in M6 and didn't get to read our blogspots for that time, you can check out the 'box team' blogspot...it's where part of this started: xchangem6box.blogspot.com
his 'journey' i'm on is all about.it's pretty simple. God told me to leave my job, my family and my friends, my home: destination, unknown.
if i think about it, honestly, i could end up right back where i started...physically that is.
Spiritually, i pray i'll be in a whole 'nother ballgame. i mean, let's think about this...trusting daily for the Lord to meet needs and still my heart...trusting Him to be my future and my hope...no 'plans' of my own that i know...kinda' like M6 all over again!***
what's this all stem from, you may ask...it started with an inclination in my spirit to pray for faith in the grand canyon...He continued the journey by giving me Isaiah 51:1&2,
"Listen to me, you who pursue righteousness and who seek the LORD:
Look to the rock from which you were cut and to the quarry from which
you were hewn; look to Abraham, your father, and to Sarah, who gave
you birth. When I called him he was but one, and I blessed him and
made him many."
And then He again confirmed the step by a peace in my spirit...a conviction of my heart...even a vision (i know, 'gasp!", i've gone pentecostal folks!). All to say, i am more convinced now, than ever before, that this is His will for my life at this time.
OK. enough for now...i just wanted to get the 'why' down. now we can concentrate on the 'what'...so.
until next time folks...same bat time, same bat channel....
annetta
p.s. this pic is from upstate ny in october '06...it just looked like what i think the other end of this journey is gonna look like...kinda' like the 'light at the end of the tunnel' without the whole tunnel vision effect...
***if you're interested in M6 and didn't get to read our blogspots for that time, you can check out the 'box team' blogspot...it's where part of this started: xchangem6box.blogspot.com
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