all grow'd up

air hair
Originally uploaded by Megan Troyer.

i'm a grownup.

i don't know when it happened. but i'm totally a bonified, grade-A, card carrying, decision-making adult. weird really. i've had the peter pan mentality my whole life. you know, that 'i-still-climb-trees-and-i'll-never-grow-up!' vibe.

when i first stepped into this 'leap-o-faith' thing, i thought jumpin' head first meant that i could swim for a while afterwards. I mean, i LOVE swimming. silly rabbit me. jumping once really just means that each day i get to jump into an even deeper pool off of an even deeper high dive.

seems like even more of an adventure really. my emotional little adolescent self spent time crying on the high dive...waiting for Dad to coax me off. but this new adult mischeviously winks at Him, takes a deep breath and cries, "CANNONBALL!!!"

now, you have to realize, my fear is not dissipated. Oh yeah, it's still there. but there's also this really cool, leveling trust that stays deep in the pit of my stomache. even when unexpected news comes, i'm still grounded. and i'm really jonesin' on it. there's none of that adolescent desperation that comes from not KNOWING the jump's ok.

there's something funny about having been in the depths before. when you reach them again, they're not near as scary. and as i continue this funny little faith walk, it doesn't seem as scary right now either...

so today, i'm choosing to climb a tree, *wink*....right before i jump.

annetta

p.s. whenever you think of me, shoot up a prayer for this faith (and wisdom!)...a gift that's in high demand and short supply sometimes...

p.s.2. especially pray as whenever one claims to be doing fantastically well at this faith walk thing, well, it's like putting a bullseye on the forehead while shooting off flares and screaming into a bullhorn, "Easy Target!!!"...ahh...humility is still something i struggle with...