it'd almost be easier to understand if i were deaf or blind...or SOMETHING....
if i was blind or deaf or dumb, i'd realize that there IS in fact SOMETHING out there that i'm not engaging in.
it's not hard for a deaf man to 'get it' that there are sounds going on that he doesn't hear...
he sees mouths moving...but doesn't 'hear' a thing...
for the blind man, he can't know the beauty of a sunrise from looking it at.
for the deaf man, the perfect strains of yoyo ma's violin are lost.
these individuals are poignantly aware of a reality outside of their paradigm.
the abstract is hard for obvious reasons....you can't SEE what you're going for! you have to go have a quiet heart to even know it's there...you have to actually stop for a moment and BREATHE to realize that something other than the distracted life exists!
the distracted life is hard in it's own way...after all, living a life for the shadows of what isn't real...
it's like Plato's cave**...you know the story from a random college course you took...or if you're too young for college, take note: it'll gain ya points on a future test!
the cave is like this...there once was a man. he lived in a cave. he'd never been out of that cave. in that cave, all he had was a fire. that fire was his only light. and when the fire was blazing, it's shadows would dance on the wall...
the man started to see people in the shadows. he started to make up names and identities for each of the dancing shadows. he started to think that the shadow people were real people....he started to name them things like bob and sue and....you get my drift. it was as if he was naming volleyballs 'wilson' or something...
he was goin' a little 'off book'....
funny thing? the man was completely unaware of the reality right around the corner....
15 feet around the bend of the wall, there was an opening in the cave. and out in the 'opening' there was a whole real world with all sorts of real, not shadow, people. there were real bob's and sue's and wilson's to befriend.
now what if Plato's funny little man were to go into the real world? would he find 'real' people to be a bore and go back to his shadow people?
NO! absolutely not!
anyone who has tasted the real thing refuses to go back to the fake stuff.
there is this eternal reality that underlies everything in this world...
if we listen close enough, we can hear it...
if we breath deep enough, we can almost smell it...
if we open our mouths wide enough, He will fill us with it....
but at all times, in all places there is this 'premonition' that there is, in fact, a deeper underlying reality to 'life'.
we see some folks chasing all sorts of fantastical religious ideas, all in the name of this spiritual abstract. but the reality is, that abstract is an eternal reality of the course He has set this world upon.
the only way Jesus could have made it to the cross, in His 100% human self***, was that He was deeply connected and in tune with this deeper reality.
He knew that the world only took 7 days to create for the Originator of this reality...
and that same Originator held the reigns of His crucifiction...
Jesus was a moving, breathing human being living in the abstract realm of this world's eternal reality.
if He, as 100% human, can live in that way, cannot i?
it seems so elusive...it moves beyond my grasp every time i reach for it...
Jesus went away to the mountains...
i'm in the mountains.
He went by Himself to pray.
i'm by myself. i pray...oh to pray more!
but in Jesus prayer times, He was totally abandoned to the desires of the Father...
i find that this indeed is the struggle under the surface for me.
i have so many things i want...
dreams fulfilled:
music to be sung,
husband and family
dreams that right now are more abstract than REAL, shadows to which I have grown accustomed
to give this all up seems almost heretical. after all, aren't all these dreams good?
have no fear, i recognize the need to wait...how it's "to refine you." how the waiting is what makes me more Christlike.
but today. in the aloneness of this mountain. i am frustrated and tired of waiting. today, it's easier to live life distracted...today it's distracted versus abstracted...and let's just say, the distracted seems to be be inching ahead.
today, it's easier to be content with shadows.
i know, i know. put down the philosophy books, stop butchering the classics.
but the basic premise of the whole deal is what i've been sitting in for a while...
trying to live in the abstract. learning how to live life in the unseen realm...
Psalm 37:3-9 has been a little bit of a help with this recently...
Trust in the LORD and do good;
Dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness.
Delight yourself in the LORD;
And He will give you the desires of your heart.
Commit your way to the LORD,
Trust also in Him, and He will do it.
He will bring forth your righteousness as the light
And your judgment as the noonday.
Rest in the LORD and wait patiently for Him;
Do not fret because of him who prospers in his way,
Because of the man who carries out wicked schemes.
Cease from anger and forsake wrath;
Do not fret; it leads only to evildoing.
For evildoers will be cut off,
But those who wait for the LORD, they will inherit the land.
and i'm still sitting, arrested, in Psalm 131...
Lord let my soul rest today in Your abstract, eternal, true reality!
cya on the flipside!
annetta
**Plato: Book VII of The Republic, The Allegory of the Cave
***Think not that i would EVER belittle Jesus being 100% God AND 100% man...i am simply relating to His 100% man side here...i am not God and have not much in common with that side of Jesus....except for that whole "i am in Christ, Christ is in God, Christ is in me, i have the Holy Spirit" thing...
2 comments:
Hey girl, thanks so much for your openness, your honesty, and your insight. I am so blessed to be able to read about your journey and your struggles, in many ways most of us are dealing with the same issues (we just can't put them into words as eloquently as you!) :-) Thanks for sharing... praying for you. Love, Jackie
Thank you for letting us come along on this journey. Today, I was trying to figure out what my life would look like if I truly found my worth in Christ not in occupation or kids or family. the only thing that came to me was to ask, seek and knock. A starting point. Love ya...
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