desert travels

In the desert
Originally uploaded by Miss Aniela.

'i won't leave the desert unless You go with me!'

i can just hear Moses sayin' this too...heart beating super-sonic speed...palms sweaty...after all, he was talking to the GOD OF THE UNIVERSE. making demands of God. a little bit of a scary place to be if you ask me!

but i do make demands. big demands. and much the same demands as Moses.

a while back, at Rocky Mountain Church, pastor Jess spoke on prayer...making demands of God. my first thought was the story in Luke of the poor woman to the mean, ol' ruler. she begged and begged and begged him for something until he relented. i can just hear his speech in modern day,

"woman! you're drivin' me crazy! take whatever you want...only LEAVE ME BE!"

but this isn't really where i generally fall in my beggin prayers with the Lord. i'm not always on the up-n-up when i beg for something...it's generally something that i momentarily believe i can't live without. but it's odd how hindsight always leave me thinking, 'what was i thinking?!?!'

so i was thinking about this Moses prayer of 'don't let me leave without YOU!'.

i've been praying that same prayer for several years now. but i'm starting to think that my prayer has GOT to be altered...

1st off, it's not about Him following me...it's about me following Him. now don't get me wrong, all these years i think my motives have attempted to be right. whether they are right or not remains to be seen...

but my whole perspective is changing...instead of saying,

"go with me! these dreams won't leave me alone, and i'm not leaving without You! i'm stompin my foot down in a good ol' tantrum!"

funny, that prayer of Moses...i turned it upside down in my head. for me, leaving the desert is about fulfilling long-awaited dreams.

and He wants me to fulfill these dreams as much as i do. i think the dreams are my agenda. in reality, it is He that is my agenda. nothing else. yet, He has originated these dreams to fulfill His purpose for me in this life. it's funny that i make this demand as if He's not gonna' be there. i can so see Him laughing at me. here i am, so stressed out about Him going with me. when all the time, His Presence was never the question.

mine was.

a few weeks ago, God simply said 'stop.'

"Annetta, if you're following Me, then I'll be with you. the desires in your heart...you think they're from you. actually, they're My desires for you. follow me. My will will be fulfilled through you."


i'm now saying,

"i get it. You're head-over-heels for me. these dreams are as much (if not more) Your concern than they are mine. so....where are You going? You do know that i'm head-over-heels for You too don't You? that means, wherever You go, well, i go. Your way."

and i think He's saying back..."follow My heartbeat."

so i am. pursuing all of Him that i know. listening so close. loving Him more dearly every day.

the Great Romance is mine.

and i am His.


i'm stoppin' the stressin'.

i'm simply following.

i think i'm leavin' the desert.


and my heart is taken.