A friend and I were talking last week about some of the basic engagements of men...he was saying that a major action is to discover. E.g., Adam spent his first days naming animals to discover that not one of them was suitable for him. God didn't tell him in advance, he just let him discover it. Makes me think of Isaac, my 2 year old nephew. I think the most oft-used phrased in his vocabulary is, "Let ME do it!" He wants to discover what it is to be HIM.
I've spent so much of my life discovering who God's created me to be and what it is He's placed in my heart to do...I've also spent much time discovering who He is (and let me tell you, knowing Him better ALWAYS helps me know me better!)...
So here's to the great adventure that awaits YOU today! Discover...a new park bench...a new favorite sandwich...a new friend...
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Mad Skills and Skin-Bags of the Holy Spirit
Artists are prophets.
With a created makeup of talent, sweat-bullets of skill and acting as skin-bags of The Holy Spirit, they can foretell the future. Their paradigm, God-endowed into their solitudinal souls, sees beyond the surface of this world to the reality underneath: 3D versus our 1D. Francis Schaeffer was thinking as an artist when he wrote, "Art is the language of the soul, not the servant of political action committees, right thinking ideologies or trendy editors...The existence of the arts is the most tangible evidence of the existence of the soul.” The artist speaks of the underlying reality of the world...that reality only seen by those tapped into their soul-energy...their Creator. Moreso, filled with the Holy Spirit they have all the wisdom of the ages. They have the wisdom of God which sees beyond our petty 21st century and throughout all time, since before time began and into the future. Artists are called to read clues that the Father sets out for them to read. Clues found in the undercurrent of eternal reality (lying underneath this present reality) are black-n-white arrows to what the future holds. For instance, take the picture of Bezalel when he was given the task of 'creating' the temple. We see he was skilled and ready for the task. And then we see him "filled with the Holy Spirit." Albeit, his creative license was definitely guided by direct, minute-detail Divine intervantion at work in his story, but can't we see the story of Jesus foretold in the makeup of the temple? Isn't the prophecy of Christ's redemption seen manifested in the prophetic, artistic work of Bezalel's temple when temple curtain tears upon Christ's death?
An artist's paradigm, while revolutionary, is controversy-laden for multiple reasons, one being that not all artists are tapped into the Omniscient Holy Spirit. Another reason is that in humaness, sometimes the arrows are read wrong. Finally, perchance they're also controversy-laden because most want to believe that the world is exactly what THEY see and no one else has a better understanding. It would behoove the believer to understand that Divine revelation comes in all sorts of packages...and unless it is conflicting with His Word, it has just as much a chance of being "right" as their own "right" beliefs.
What do YOU think????
**This is not to elevate the artist's ability to hear God better than a non-artist. It only seems harder for a non-artist to have a unique, God-given paradigm as they are not naturally inclined to think outside the confines of what their eyes see in this present reality. I believe it is every believer's responsibility to seek His vision for His Kingdom here "on earth as it is in heaven." Let's jump into our responsibility feet first!
With a created makeup of talent, sweat-bullets of skill and acting as skin-bags of The Holy Spirit, they can foretell the future. Their paradigm, God-endowed into their solitudinal souls, sees beyond the surface of this world to the reality underneath: 3D versus our 1D. Francis Schaeffer was thinking as an artist when he wrote, "Art is the language of the soul, not the servant of political action committees, right thinking ideologies or trendy editors...The existence of the arts is the most tangible evidence of the existence of the soul.” The artist speaks of the underlying reality of the world...that reality only seen by those tapped into their soul-energy...their Creator. Moreso, filled with the Holy Spirit they have all the wisdom of the ages. They have the wisdom of God which sees beyond our petty 21st century and throughout all time, since before time began and into the future. Artists are called to read clues that the Father sets out for them to read. Clues found in the undercurrent of eternal reality (lying underneath this present reality) are black-n-white arrows to what the future holds. For instance, take the picture of Bezalel when he was given the task of 'creating' the temple. We see he was skilled and ready for the task. And then we see him "filled with the Holy Spirit." Albeit, his creative license was definitely guided by direct, minute-detail Divine intervantion at work in his story, but can't we see the story of Jesus foretold in the makeup of the temple? Isn't the prophecy of Christ's redemption seen manifested in the prophetic, artistic work of Bezalel's temple when temple curtain tears upon Christ's death?
An artist's paradigm, while revolutionary, is controversy-laden for multiple reasons, one being that not all artists are tapped into the Omniscient Holy Spirit. Another reason is that in humaness, sometimes the arrows are read wrong. Finally, perchance they're also controversy-laden because most want to believe that the world is exactly what THEY see and no one else has a better understanding. It would behoove the believer to understand that Divine revelation comes in all sorts of packages...and unless it is conflicting with His Word, it has just as much a chance of being "right" as their own "right" beliefs.
What do YOU think????
**This is not to elevate the artist's ability to hear God better than a non-artist. It only seems harder for a non-artist to have a unique, God-given paradigm as they are not naturally inclined to think outside the confines of what their eyes see in this present reality. I believe it is every believer's responsibility to seek His vision for His Kingdom here "on earth as it is in heaven." Let's jump into our responsibility feet first!
His Economy
For two months, I've been living in an uber sweet pad, 15 minutes from work. There's a security guard 24/7. There's also an amazing running trail around a picturesque, almost-italian canal and lake that feeds into a safe section of woods. It's really quite stunning. The balcony overlooks a beautiful section of the city...the apartment's fully-furnished with a comfy bed...Stay with me here, there's a point! I've been living here, in this $1200/month apartment, just paying utilities. So the Father picks out a $1400/month deal for me and gets it for $200. And it has been the perfect safe place for me the past few months. I needed a place to get my feet under me; to escape all the other voices and listen to His. So, He provided this place for me...
THEN, when the girl decided to break her lease, I thought, "Oh no! I'll never find something this nice for this cheap. Sad, I was really enjoying the space and solitude, etc." BUT. I was surprised again...He opened up a bedroom and bath, rent-free in the house of a friend of a friend. An uber nice house I might want to add. And they have a great running trail and lake complete with fountain as well. When I was moving in last night, I had 3 guy friends helping carry in stuff...as we walked past the mom, she said, "No way! Jared!" Turns out they're buddies from a church he used to play for...and I was worried that my friends wouldn't come hang because I'm living in some random folks house...
Isn't it amazing how you think there's no way He could beat the goodness He's already gifted you with and then He jumps in and goes above and beyond what you were hoping for?!?
THEN, when the girl decided to break her lease, I thought, "Oh no! I'll never find something this nice for this cheap. Sad, I was really enjoying the space and solitude, etc." BUT. I was surprised again...He opened up a bedroom and bath, rent-free in the house of a friend of a friend. An uber nice house I might want to add. And they have a great running trail and lake complete with fountain as well. When I was moving in last night, I had 3 guy friends helping carry in stuff...as we walked past the mom, she said, "No way! Jared!" Turns out they're buddies from a church he used to play for...and I was worried that my friends wouldn't come hang because I'm living in some random folks house...
Isn't it amazing how you think there's no way He could beat the goodness He's already gifted you with and then He jumps in and goes above and beyond what you were hoping for?!?
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Love never gives up.
It doesn't. When things are hard. When we don't understand.
I thought love gave up. But my Father? He never gives up. And ME? How do I respond to the Father's love? Do I give up trusting in His great love for me when the road seems impossible? Not today I won't. I believe today more than ever before in His overwhelming love...His neverending faithfullness...His all-encompassing goodness. He cares so deeply for me...there is NO END to His love for me. We have only to read His gospels, to watch "The Passion of the Christ" to sense again how much He gave up to love us.
Yet in my world, where things seem difficult, I so often want to give up on love. And this is where I sit...giving up ground slowly but surely. But I say, NOT TODAY. I won't give up today.
I can't see. But I trust. I can't breathe at times, there is so much opposition. But I have faith in His goodness. I have hope in His goodness. I know how much it hurts HIM to see me hurting. And in this...I just beg for the ability to love Him supernaturally. It's so easy to love Him isn't it? It's also so easy to fall away. Why? Maybe because grace is free. It only costs your life. But it's really in giving your life that you get your life. So really, it's free.
Reading 1 Corinthians 13, the line, "pursue love but desire earnestly spiritual gifts" rings in my cranium.
Love. I saw "Love Actually", the Brit movie, when it came out...one of the love stories was over-the-top in my book (if you've seen it, you know, if not, there's no need to explain such debauchery!). But, for the most part, I felt like it gave a pretty accurate depiction of human love. Human love.
I really do think it only mirrors His love. It's such a farce compared to His. If human love isn't grounded in Divine love, well, it's a 20/80 chance of making it unscathed to the end. Maybe I'm off in this percentage but...
I've been in love mode with Him for a few days. But it surprised me how one little hitch in my getalong and off the band wagon I flew. So quickly I fell off the "Oh Father, All my hopes and dreams and trust are in You! I really do believe when I can't see!" Funny that He allows me to see my unfaithfulness so clearly. As a human it's only NORMAL that I'd have issues seeing into the unseen. BUT, I'm not called to live a NORMAL life. SUPERNATURAL is where He's going with me.
I still claim "OH He's SO GOOD!" so quickly. But my heart almost belies this with an ache. An ache that I think I put there. I was talking with someone recently about expectations...expectations is the food of bitterness. It's the food of discontentment. When expectations aren't met, well, bitterness and discontentment most often follow.
But when I get that His life for me doesn't look exactly like the life I'd choose for myself, well, I can move past all feelings of bitterness or discontentment. Honestly, I think the life He'd choose for me would be better than the life I'd choose for myself. I can't wait to see what He does next...
Saturday, November 8, 2008
Magnifico!
Muck.
Ugliness.
Envy.
Anger… Fear.
I get so bogged down in my sin. the muck overwhelms me. And then all I can see is my dirt. I've been this way for a while: Incredibly adept at identifying the ugly parts of me. Most often, I then revel in that self-identity. It’s so sad really. I mean, honestly, He created me a beautiful, wonderful human being; A glorious creation unlike any other. And I live life like a muddied princess.
But if I think about, I’m not alone in my affinity for living life out of this warped sense of identity. Not to point fingers or anything, but the disciples might have been better at this than me.Reading through the Gospels, Jesus seemed exasperated with the disciples more often than not. But seriously, who wouldn't be? As a rabbi, Jesus had called them to follow and learn from Him. That was part of a rabbi’s job description. If you look back through rabbinical codes it's clear that a rabbi doesn't try to invite a mentally slow, capacity-lacking individual to follow him. Rather, a rabbi would weigh and judge the abilities of the individual first. When he saw the person was worthy of following him, he would invite the individual to follow him. When Jesus was frustrated with the disciples, it was not because he was thinking, "Wow. How'd I get stuck with these bozo's?" Rather, he was probably frustrated with their lack of manifested potential. He knew He had created them with every ability to accomplish the tasks at hand. He knew they could follow Him...they just kept getting bogged down in 'stuff'.
I can just hear Peter thinking, “Oh gosh. I screwed up last time. I can't screw up this time. I’d better not say the wrong things." Then in his overanalyzing, hyper-sensitivity, ultra-stressed state, he missed the point of just breathing in Jesus teachings. Then, he’d mess up. Again. I think we call that self-fulfilling prophecy.
In Velvet Elvis, Rob Bell enlightens me of Jesus' relationship with the disciples. Jesus didn't leave the disciples with the Great Commission because He felt they couldn't do it. Rather, He left the disciples with the Great Commission because He knew they could do it. He had created them with the capacity for great things. He knew they could handle working out the great commission. Well, He knew they could work if out if they used His little parting gift: The Holy Spirit. Jesus only seemed frustrated with them when they weren't living up to that potential. Jesus had the upper hand in that He knew the full-extent of their abilities. I mean, He was there when they were created.
He knew they were capable of much, much more. Marianne Williamson says: “Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate, but that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, handsome, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God within us. It is not just in some; it is in everyone. And, as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
Ok, don't get me wrong, I hate self-help mumbo-jumbo as much as anyone. But at the same time, I don't think recognizing our God given purpose and created ability is self-help talk. I believe that when I fail to give Him credit for all the power and beauty He created me to live out of, well, I’m actually discrediting His creation. In essence, I’m failing to give Him the glory due Him. And failing to recognize the creature He’s intended for me is failing to allow the glorious, created version of me to exist.
Even understanding that here helps me to slowly become moreso that woman He’s created me to be. I remember reading C.S. Lewis's depiction of Adam and Eve in his sci-fi book Pereleandra. Lewis's version of Adam wasn't a wimpy, burdened-down-with-his-depravity sort of creature. Rather, Adam was beautiful in his terrible awesomeness. The gloriousness of his created being was manifested for all to drink in. And the character that represented Eve was even more glorious. The embodiment of all that is gracious and lovely and beautiful, her pure heart trusted the Lord yet maintained a strength evident in the very way she walked. Eve was the epitome of grace and beauty. She was mighty, yet with a gentle and quiet spirit. Her beauty was interior and exterior.
So how do I become that same 'eve' I was created to be? I definitely have areas of muck to be waded through and cleared out. But in the midst of this muck, I am increasingly freed from the curse of self-doubting as I embrace the fullness of His grace. Each day finds me believing moreso that there is a terribly, awesome, glorious Annetta that only awaits my standing up and becoming. Living out my created purpose, simply becoming the me He intends, in Him. Via Him. Meanwhile, until I stand up and become, I am falling short of this created purpose.
I most often live as if someone has sliced a little into my Achilles heel, as if I’m crippled. And my Father’s response is, "Stand up My child! I've created you for far greater than this. You are falling short only because you choose to fall short and not because I created you less than what you think you are. Live out My purpose for you today!" In these moments, hearing His Voice so clearly, my chosen response is clear. Today I choose to relentlessly pursue becoming the created Annetta. I won’t pursue being her in an ontological, 'self-actualized' kinda' way. Rather, I’ll pursue His created kid in a "I'm a daughter of the King, created with specific and magnificent abilities to love Him" kinda' way. In this way, I’ll live out my true identity.
Oh! Magnifico! That He has created me! I love the way He has done so! And when I think that He spent time on me, just as He did the brilliant, majestic, terrible, beautiful mountains, I am humbled. So as I reach for the higher heights He has created me for...let's reach together. Let’s not seek to be better than one another. Let’s purpose to be a better “me.” Let’s be who we were created to friends!
And let's change the world.
**I posted a semblance of this post a few years back..but was re-reading and editing and in the process of re-learning this...ah...how slow I ofttimes am at pickin up what He's putting down...**
Ugliness.
Envy.
Anger… Fear.
I get so bogged down in my sin. the muck overwhelms me. And then all I can see is my dirt. I've been this way for a while: Incredibly adept at identifying the ugly parts of me. Most often, I then revel in that self-identity. It’s so sad really. I mean, honestly, He created me a beautiful, wonderful human being; A glorious creation unlike any other. And I live life like a muddied princess.
But if I think about, I’m not alone in my affinity for living life out of this warped sense of identity. Not to point fingers or anything, but the disciples might have been better at this than me.Reading through the Gospels, Jesus seemed exasperated with the disciples more often than not. But seriously, who wouldn't be? As a rabbi, Jesus had called them to follow and learn from Him. That was part of a rabbi’s job description. If you look back through rabbinical codes it's clear that a rabbi doesn't try to invite a mentally slow, capacity-lacking individual to follow him. Rather, a rabbi would weigh and judge the abilities of the individual first. When he saw the person was worthy of following him, he would invite the individual to follow him. When Jesus was frustrated with the disciples, it was not because he was thinking, "Wow. How'd I get stuck with these bozo's?" Rather, he was probably frustrated with their lack of manifested potential. He knew He had created them with every ability to accomplish the tasks at hand. He knew they could follow Him...they just kept getting bogged down in 'stuff'.
I can just hear Peter thinking, “Oh gosh. I screwed up last time. I can't screw up this time. I’d better not say the wrong things." Then in his overanalyzing, hyper-sensitivity, ultra-stressed state, he missed the point of just breathing in Jesus teachings. Then, he’d mess up. Again. I think we call that self-fulfilling prophecy.
In Velvet Elvis, Rob Bell enlightens me of Jesus' relationship with the disciples. Jesus didn't leave the disciples with the Great Commission because He felt they couldn't do it. Rather, He left the disciples with the Great Commission because He knew they could do it. He had created them with the capacity for great things. He knew they could handle working out the great commission. Well, He knew they could work if out if they used His little parting gift: The Holy Spirit. Jesus only seemed frustrated with them when they weren't living up to that potential. Jesus had the upper hand in that He knew the full-extent of their abilities. I mean, He was there when they were created.
He knew they were capable of much, much more. Marianne Williamson says: “Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate, but that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, handsome, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God within us. It is not just in some; it is in everyone. And, as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
Ok, don't get me wrong, I hate self-help mumbo-jumbo as much as anyone. But at the same time, I don't think recognizing our God given purpose and created ability is self-help talk. I believe that when I fail to give Him credit for all the power and beauty He created me to live out of, well, I’m actually discrediting His creation. In essence, I’m failing to give Him the glory due Him. And failing to recognize the creature He’s intended for me is failing to allow the glorious, created version of me to exist.
Even understanding that here helps me to slowly become moreso that woman He’s created me to be. I remember reading C.S. Lewis's depiction of Adam and Eve in his sci-fi book Pereleandra. Lewis's version of Adam wasn't a wimpy, burdened-down-with-his-depravity sort of creature. Rather, Adam was beautiful in his terrible awesomeness. The gloriousness of his created being was manifested for all to drink in. And the character that represented Eve was even more glorious. The embodiment of all that is gracious and lovely and beautiful, her pure heart trusted the Lord yet maintained a strength evident in the very way she walked. Eve was the epitome of grace and beauty. She was mighty, yet with a gentle and quiet spirit. Her beauty was interior and exterior.
So how do I become that same 'eve' I was created to be? I definitely have areas of muck to be waded through and cleared out. But in the midst of this muck, I am increasingly freed from the curse of self-doubting as I embrace the fullness of His grace. Each day finds me believing moreso that there is a terribly, awesome, glorious Annetta that only awaits my standing up and becoming. Living out my created purpose, simply becoming the me He intends, in Him. Via Him. Meanwhile, until I stand up and become, I am falling short of this created purpose.
I most often live as if someone has sliced a little into my Achilles heel, as if I’m crippled. And my Father’s response is, "Stand up My child! I've created you for far greater than this. You are falling short only because you choose to fall short and not because I created you less than what you think you are. Live out My purpose for you today!" In these moments, hearing His Voice so clearly, my chosen response is clear. Today I choose to relentlessly pursue becoming the created Annetta. I won’t pursue being her in an ontological, 'self-actualized' kinda' way. Rather, I’ll pursue His created kid in a "I'm a daughter of the King, created with specific and magnificent abilities to love Him" kinda' way. In this way, I’ll live out my true identity.
Oh! Magnifico! That He has created me! I love the way He has done so! And when I think that He spent time on me, just as He did the brilliant, majestic, terrible, beautiful mountains, I am humbled. So as I reach for the higher heights He has created me for...let's reach together. Let’s not seek to be better than one another. Let’s purpose to be a better “me.” Let’s be who we were created to friends!
And let's change the world.
**I posted a semblance of this post a few years back..but was re-reading and editing and in the process of re-learning this...ah...how slow I ofttimes am at pickin up what He's putting down...**
Friday, November 7, 2008
I am Yours
There's something about seeing old friends and remembering the past that helps me to remember myself.
For 6 weeks (more maybe??) I've lived in a new city with a new job at a new place finding a new church while putting together this new life.
Today I hung with a few of my dearest friends and family and then went on a long run to really breathe Him in...breathing Him in on an old running trail was like seeing an old friend for the first time in a long time. I was home. And at home, I was reminded of who I am:
His kid.
I don't have to impress. I don't have to be anything other than who I am. Freedom arrives with identity. I don't need social status.
I was also able to meet with a dear friend who is in the midst of immense pain. A beautiful soul, I was reminded again that our lives are purposed to love others. It is such a gift to walk through another's junk. To hear her heart, her pains and brokenness, was an honor not all human beings are given. Yet He has seen fit to give me this space in so many lives. I am so humbled.
For those of you reading that have spoken into my life, I thank you sincerely and wholeheartedly. I see the light now for the first time in a while. While the sky is still charcoal, dawn hasn't broken yet, the light has tinged the horizon. And I am so encouraged to believe what I had lost faith in...that He is indeed coming for me. In the midst of the horror of the past year, I had so many days of losing hope. I thought He had abandoned me. But now, before I see Him arrive, I have a desperate need to say, "I believe. You are here. You are coming."
O happy day! He reminds me that my identity is not an Israelite child in the desert; one who gripes and forgets His provision. Rather, my identity is His child who proclaims the way of Him in that desert. Years ago He prepped my heart for this time. He gave me Habakkuk 2:1-3,
"I will stand on my guard post and station myself on the rampart; And I will keep watch to see what He will speak to me, and how I may reply when I am reproved. Then the Lord answered me and said, "Record the vision and inscribe it on tables, that the one who reads it may run. For the vision is yet for the appointed time; It hastens toward the goal and it will not fail; though it tarries, wait for it; for it will certainly come, it will not delay."
Father. I believe. I know You are coming. My heart yearns for You. I wait in full expectation of the amazing things You are going to bring to pass. I am shouting it from the roof tops Father...I am writing it on this tablet that those who may read it may run deeper into your arms. You will not delay a moment longer than needed. In fact, Your Word says You will not delay. So on this Word I place my life...my heart...my plans...my all. For You are my all. And in this space, and this space alone, I am who I am created to be: Yours.
You are so good! I love You.
Thursday, November 6, 2008
"We must see Him in the small things so that we can recognize when He is doing the big things Annetta." So said our courier, Isaac. Love him. A brother from Ghana, he is a bright spot in my every day. He awakens at 4 in the morning to begin his prayers. And then he listens to 2 sermons (Charles Stanley bring it!)...and then he makes his way through the day.
I've had so many ups and downs in the past 2 months; something about moving to a new city with a new job and a new house and new friends...But Isaac has seemed to pop in at just the right moments: when I needed a family smile or someone who sees past my exterior. As my brother in Christ, he encouraged me to listen harder to that quiet Voice.
I am SO STINKIN' TIGHT FISTED with my life. I hold onto it, white knuckles, gritting teeth and locked knees. I even have that look in the eye...you know, thevolumes-communicating staredown your momma gives you. If you don't remember that look from your mom, it's probably because it was given right before all memory of it was slapped out of your head. She gave you the look. You didn't heed the look. You got the look slapped upside your noggin.
Back to tight fisted. I'm a control freak really. I like to be the one to determine the whens and wheres and hows of life in my world. I think if I learned that He has a better plan for me than I have for myself, well, I'd be a whole lot less stressed.
As it is, I hate displacement. I think I can pretty much say I own this space: Displacement. Out of all the craziness of the past year, it might leave the biggest mark. I was in a particular grand mood the other evening...I'd heard news of being displaced yet again. My first reaction was GRIPEY. My normal brand of girpeyness tends I'm gripey, it tends to be humorous. I'm sardonic and full of biting, witty quips. But this particular streak, not so funny. I just wanted to sit down and cry. And when I got to a party with friends, I did just that. And maybe that was the particularly funny part of the gripeyness. I mean, consider: At a friend's party, on his front steps, crying by myself while everyone else is laughing inside. Ok. Maybe a little more slit-your-wrist sad, but my aftermath finds me laughing at the mental picture.
All to say, without wallowing anymore in the pits of self-pity, as I look back my moments of despair and pain, while legitimate, are not necessarily God-glorifying.
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
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