Jobless and Jubilant!

"I love you Tink!", so said the text message sent to me last Thursday morning. In the middle of my quiet time, I quickly shot back a "Y tu Senorita!" and went back to reading...but then I started to have a distinct foreshadowing in my spirit. I forged another text, "So I have this weird feeling I'm going to lose my job today...pray I don't if it's His will!" And with a text response back to me promising prayer, I went to work and forgot all about the exchange until 2:30pm when receiving a phone call from the temp agency that controlled my "temp-to-hire" contract. I'd been with the company 10 1/2 weeks. They'd called that afternoon and asked to have my contract terminated. "FIRED?! ME? What? What'd I do??" was my first reaction. I mean, the shame, the negative connotations of being "let go" immediately surfaced. But they just as quickly dissapated as well. I had an overwhelming sense of God's Sovereignty. Seemed He was just as much in control at 2:30pm as He was at 2pm. I asked the agent if there was a reason and she said they said not really and that they "really hated to do this." Wow. In a blink of an eye, my source of income was obliterated...

I had just been thinking of how homesick I was and knew I had no plans til Tuesday now that work was outta' the way. So home I went.

Dad and Mom and I hung out and talked about the Father's role in all of this...the why's and timing of it all...it all seems to be the beginning of the a new chapter for me. "New chapter?" you say? Yes, I know it seems all I've done in this past year is make new beginnings in different places. And even returning to Dallas Monday night was a bit of a stretch to say it feels like home...whatever that means. But I would say that Dallas feels more like home than any other place. This Sunday I join the church I've been attending for 6 months...a place I feel called to be connected more deeply with each passing hour.

But even in the supposed quietness of His working, I know He is indeed doing just that: working. The same God who foretold I was to lose my job and then took it in an instant is the same God who will provide for me tomorrow. He is the same God who has spent a year making me into a different person. What a SLOW year it's been too! The rough times go so slowly and the happy times speed by with nary a dull moment. In the past year I've learned a few things...and I'll have to put them into 2 postings, but here's the condensed version:

1. I've had my first real heartbreak.
2. I've moved to 4 different cities and 6 different houses.
3. I've slept on countless friends couches while crying on countless friends shoulders.
4. I've heard His Voice more clearly than I've ever heard it.
5. I've seen more clearly into the present, eternal Kingdom than I've ever seen.
6. I've been humbled to the point that I realize I desperately need more humbling.
7. I've started to realize that the patience I've earnestly prayed for isn't a pansy state, rather it's a wrestling (Hebrew states: writhing, groans as in childbirth!) place of the soul while waiting on Him to come.
8. I've started to realize the beginning stages of walking in His Presence. A place I've desired to be in for years, He's graced me with more and more of Him to the point that I sense Him all the time. In fact, I've started to ask His opinion on more than the average things...i.e., I used to ask occasionally, "do You want me to see this movie? or call this person or?" and now I ask Hi all the time. It's odd how it's becoming second nature...I pray it increases evermoreso!
9. Learning to bank my heart and trust in Him. His Presence more than His Hand.
10. That being said, learning that waiting for His Promises is a natural and right place to be in the midst of pain and seeming desert-land.

We really do live in the shadowlands. If we could but see (almost a streaming consciousness type of deal) His eternality in the moments of this current, fading reality, we'd live in His Presence pre-heaven. While I long for the day He takes me home, some days more than others!, finding His Presence a reality here abates some of that deeper longing of the soul. I realize His purpse for me is far greater than moving the masses. His purpose is far greater for me than a best-selling novel or cd. His purpose is even greater for me than leading thousands in true worship of The One Worthy. His purpose for me is to know and be known by Him...living fully out of the heart He created me to live out of.

Wow. Decadent. Grace-filled. I'm so unworthy...But He's The One Worthy.

I wait for His next step, believing all the promises He has stored up tis past year for such a time as this, I am at peace and joyful. I know He has a good plan. And the main thing is that it includes knowing Him. What do YOU think?

If you want to pray for a few specifics for this journey of mine, email me and I'll shoot the few things I'm bringing before Him to you. And I'd love to pray for you in YOUR journey too!

His.

annetta

BATHROOMTRIPATNIGHT Stage

Practically all of my life I have had an overactive nocturnal bladder. I know, I know, "TMI" you say. But seriously, I think every night of my life has found me getting up to go to the bathroom at 2 or 3 in the morning. This is so very annoying. Leaving a comfortable, warm bed is never fun. Although knowing I have a few hours left to sleep always makes it better. Anywho...

The POINT is, for my whole life I've had to walk to the bathroom in the dark. When a child, this freaked me out. I thought every shadow was a boogey man ready to suck my blood. I'd also trip over things or get disoriented over my surroundings. As I've grown older, no matter where I wake up, I seem to have developed a heightened alertness in these bewitching hours. I immediately know where I am, which direction to walk, and sometimes make my bathroom trip without ever really waking up!

Currently, life has me in a "bathroomtripatnight" stage. I'm walking in the dark. The nutty thing is, I've been walking in the dark, in faith, for so long, that I'm not falling as much. Practicing this faith walk this past year, following Him through heartbreak, moving, relocating friends, new jobs, etc., I'm starting to get into the rhythm. And when the most recent upset came about (lost my job today!), I felt like I didn't miss a beat.

Please don't hear me saying I'm amazing...hear me saying, HE's amazing. His patience (He took several years for me to get this one!) in teaching me in a kind and gracious manner has left me specchless.

Where all the fun is...

I heard from ol' friends today. Keving and Julie Walker. If you get a chance you should check out their website...www.walkit.org They have a retreat center for worship leaders in Colorado. Pretty amazing stuff if you ask me!

We emailed back and forth about some fun stuff and then I got an email that said, "Everyone has to WAIT on the Lord, I mean, He's the LORD. But Patiently waiting...that's where all the fun is. Where the relationship is."

I've been sitting here thinking on that...knowing that we live in the world of "not yet"..."Not yet to heaven..." "Not yet for hearing back on that job..." "Not yet for that vacation this summer..." "Not yet for kids.." "Not yet for marriage..." "Not yet for your dreams coming true..." Lotsa' "Not yet's".

Today I'm thankful for the "Not yet's"...they allow me to really trully wait at His feet. Kinda' a fun place to be if I do say so myself...

Tampering Espresso...AND Souls

Espresso machine
Originally uploaded by toni wahid.

I can't really do espresso anymore...I overdosed on espresso too many times when I worked at S*bucks. I like those ol' school espresso makers...you know, the ones where the espresso goes into a little silver bucket with a black handle. The ones where the barista taps down the espresso so it's firmly packed before the steaming hot water is pressed through it...

Here I am. In Dallas...about to be out of a job...about to be homeless (again). But with amazing friends, a church I dearly love and a conviction that I am supposed to be here. Moreso, I believe with all my heart, that He brought me here for my GOOD. Hebrews 11...believing in the unseen...it's what He's been having me do for the last 2 years.

And I see whispers of provision...getting to sing a little more with my church...being approached by a friend about writing music for a feature film...finding a girl I'm CONVINCED needs to be my roommate...starting to settle in a bit. Moreso, my heart is content. I enjoy life here. I enjoy giving and loving. I enjoy being single. I'm grateful for Him today.

You know, when the barista taps down the ground espresso, it's for better brewing. Somehow, espresso that's tightly packed gives off more flavor when the hot water steams through it. I feel in so many ways that He has been tapping down my soul the past few months...having me wait for His provision, well, it makes me know that it's not me making things happen! It's so clear that all the gifts and provision that are coming are purely from His bounty. It's as if He's about to shoot through this soul of mine with His Spirit and His tapping down my soul was His way of enabling more of His Spirit to shine through this vessel.

Can I tell you how grateful I am? I am so confident of His coming provision. It blows my mind that He has given me this faith to see the unseen. I am so humbled. He saw fit to allow me to be a part of showing others how GOD provides for His kids. It's stunning really.

Just wanted to post of my overwhelming gratefulness. And to say, yet again, He is coming. More so, even better, He is HERE.

Emmanuel this Christmas season...God WITH us.

Much love...

ab

Standin' Still: Eyes Wide, Knees A-Knockin'

a desert and suddenly...the sea
Originally uploaded by Barfuss.

Senses are heightened as I stand in front of glassy-filmed water, deep and wide. There's no crossing. No path laid out in front of me. Just a knowledge that beyond that mammoth body of water lies the Promised Land; My destiny lies beyond the Red Sea.

I look down at the ground, dirt and sand and pebbles cover the ground in a tan coat. Oddly enough, there's no ants scurrying about...not even the occasional lizard scurrying out of sight. If I look closely, I can see the ground vibrating...the rhythm extends to the water in front of me causing the lucid liquid to ripple ever so slightly. The vibrations grow as do the riples.

I look behind me. Horses; All pounding with thousands of pounds of flesh and javelins extended. Pointing towards my heart. Blood in the eyes of the riders and a stench wafts to my nostrils of sweat and thick dust kicked up from their ride; this army of TIME.

I lick dry lips and chew on them in nervousness. A fear is swelling inside. I quote Scripture to keep it at bay: Lamentations 3:22-24,

"The Lord's lovingkindnesses indeed never cease, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; Great is Thy faithfulness. The Lord is my portion says my soul, therefore I have hope in Him."

Part of my soul rings in triumph at this truth. Part of me is centered on the growing trembling of the earth as this army approaches. My hands are cold and clammy, trembling in rhythm to the horse hooves. My heart is swelling with emotion. Part of me is scared to tears...and the other grasps with all my might on truth:

HE WILL SAVE. He will make a way.

I think time has to get short enough (the Egyptians have to get close enough) to show that nothing is an issue when you have a God as powerful as the One I serve...

Creating as an Act of Faith?

Is creating, as a Christian artist, an act of faith?

Hebrews 11 talks of the world being prepared by God's invisible word; "what is seen was not made out of things which are visible." It makes me wonder if an artist's creativity is outsourced from this invisble well. Perhaps the things of beauty we see are all depictions of that invisible world.

I also wonder about artist's as prophets. A friend and I were talking of some of these thoughts over java this weekend. 3 thoughts for this at first glance. 1. The majority of artist's works seem to be depictions of past or current scenarios. 2. When an artist paints of the everyday, in his perspective, there is such a clear depiction of the eternal reality underlying the everyday that the future is clearly seen. 3. When an artist does paint of the future, it is almost as a warning.

Thoughts?!? Anyone?!?

Discovery Zone

A friend and I were talking last week about some of the basic engagements of men...he was saying that a major action is to discover. E.g., Adam spent his first days naming animals to discover that not one of them was suitable for him. God didn't tell him in advance, he just let him discover it. Makes me think of Isaac, my 2 year old nephew. I think the most oft-used phrased in his vocabulary is, "Let ME do it!" He wants to discover what it is to be HIM.

I've spent so much of my life discovering who God's created me to be and what it is He's placed in my heart to do...I've also spent much time discovering who He is (and let me tell you, knowing Him better ALWAYS helps me know me better!)...

So here's to the great adventure that awaits YOU today! Discover...a new park bench...a new favorite sandwich...a new friend...