fully alive

i'm sitting in Fort Worth, Texas at my cousin's house...they're grillin' steaks for dinner outside. i got to have a conversation with my favorite person in the world last night and more with some of my favorite today. the weather's been amazing...as i sat through my lil' cousin's baseball game this morning, with the wind blowing oh-so-gently and the sun barely peaking through the fluffiness...it seems all the good things in life can be assessed in these moments. i'm surrounded by good people and good food and good weather and good health and good...just good times.

recently, it seems that everything i've ever wanted has been dropped in my lap. yet even amidst the amazing goodness that my Father is showering down upon me, the one desire of my heart remains constant: to sit with Him.

all the amazing moments in the world mean nothing compared with those times with Him.

so as i start to make some pretty 'life-changin' decisions in the next few weeks, i'm confident that the one thing that i NEED in life will remain. and that one thing, at risk of sounding repetitive, is Him. amidst the sorrowful moments, He seems to grow sweeter...and now amidst the milk-n-honey, He makes my heart constantly sing in a song of gratefullness...my soul has been awakened by the One who can trully love...

OH! how i love Him...awaken my heart even more to sing of You...and then i am fully alive...

living,

annetta

testosterone versus estrogen...

oh my. that's what i think when i put a guy and a girl together. until recently, i'd only heard of the many communication issues that arise when a guy and girl talk. i.e., how a girl says one thing and the guy says completely another. in fact, i never thought i'd fall prey to these beautiful little idiosyncrasies. but, fall i did.

and quite soundly i might add.

but one of the things that stands out so clearly in this latest mishap of a communication blunder is how differently He created us to be.

He created the guys to take on so much of the Adam persona...and girls the Eve.

i've decided i'm gonna take a deeper look into this. if, after all, we girls are supposed to look a little like eve, being somewhat fashioned after her, then shouldn't we understand her? after all, she was the first to fall to the blame game...

the communication blunder i witnessed this past week went something like this:

Boy: you're mad at me? why are you mad at me? don't be mad at me!

Girl: well, i didn't want you to think i was pressuring when i said such and such after you were the one originating the topic! and i felt like you DID feel pressured. but, after all, it was YOU that started the whole topic of conversation. seriously.

Boy: actually, i thought you were talking about something completely different. i totally didn't realize you were saying that. huh.

Girl: yes i was saying that! how could you not have seen? it was so plain?

Boy: but this other way of looking at it was plain to me...

all grow'd up

air hair
Originally uploaded by Megan Troyer.

i'm a grownup.

i don't know when it happened. but i'm totally a bonified, grade-A, card carrying, decision-making adult. weird really. i've had the peter pan mentality my whole life. you know, that 'i-still-climb-trees-and-i'll-never-grow-up!' vibe.

when i first stepped into this 'leap-o-faith' thing, i thought jumpin' head first meant that i could swim for a while afterwards. I mean, i LOVE swimming. silly rabbit me. jumping once really just means that each day i get to jump into an even deeper pool off of an even deeper high dive.

seems like even more of an adventure really. my emotional little adolescent self spent time crying on the high dive...waiting for Dad to coax me off. but this new adult mischeviously winks at Him, takes a deep breath and cries, "CANNONBALL!!!"

now, you have to realize, my fear is not dissipated. Oh yeah, it's still there. but there's also this really cool, leveling trust that stays deep in the pit of my stomache. even when unexpected news comes, i'm still grounded. and i'm really jonesin' on it. there's none of that adolescent desperation that comes from not KNOWING the jump's ok.

there's something funny about having been in the depths before. when you reach them again, they're not near as scary. and as i continue this funny little faith walk, it doesn't seem as scary right now either...

so today, i'm choosing to climb a tree, *wink*....right before i jump.

annetta

p.s. whenever you think of me, shoot up a prayer for this faith (and wisdom!)...a gift that's in high demand and short supply sometimes...

p.s.2. especially pray as whenever one claims to be doing fantastically well at this faith walk thing, well, it's like putting a bullseye on the forehead while shooting off flares and screaming into a bullhorn, "Easy Target!!!"...ahh...humility is still something i struggle with...