isn't it funny the things that show us who we are? moreso, the things that show us more of who He is?
this year has been a montage of craziness. since i left tallowood i have traveled through 20 some-odd states, lived in 6 different cities and held down a menagerie of jobs...the only thing that could top my list of job descriptions would be a garbage girl or working at a zoo...although i might actually have enjoyed giraffe and elephant dung more than some of the jobs i had!
several months ago i worked for a brief stint at a marketing company. many of you remember this with fondness because it was hysterical, watching me in a suit every day. Terri Richter, the co-owner of the company, would swing by my desk almost every day and we'd chat of Jesus...of His constant goodness in the midst of pain. of His sovereignty. of His deep, perfect, yearning love for us. one thing you must know of Terri is that in the midst of these conversations of the Lord's goodness, Terri's wife was battling brain cancer. Terri would just say that this cancer, this season, was "a gift" to their family. it brought a sweetness to their relationship with the Lord that they'd never have known otherwise...a sweetness born of faith in the unseen...
i'm feeling a little like jacob recently. we've wrestled, i've pushed and He's pulled me back...and in the end, i leave with a slight limp. i'm praying for my new name. i'm praying for a deeper place in His heart...for Him a deeper place in mine...to be sanctified a bit more in the middle of this. michelle, a friend from seminary days, recently emailed me: "God is oh-so-good in the wounding of His people." how true this is! His pain is used to rescue us from places we should not go! to remind us of His sovereignty! to draw us into those deep places of Him that we'd never have seen otherwise. what a beautiful gift He's given me! i'm so thankful for the way He's made me...for the plan He has for me...
now i'm praying that He'll break my heart for what breaks His...i've such a great need for a repentant heart and He's been allowing me to see so much of my sin in recent days...
what a beautiful year! wouldn't have planned in advance a minute of it, but what a beautiful year!
much love y'all....
His,
annetta
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Friday, May 2, 2008
empty horizons
hey guys...
isn't it interesting what kinda' curves come on our life roads? recently, justin and i broke off our engagement. and without much warning or fanfare or escort, we were both facing a new life picture. i've been planning our life together for the last several months. now it seems that we're both with an empty horizon at our fingertips...we're allowed to paint whatever we wish. and as amazing as justin is, i wish him all the technicolor crayons in the world...
much love...
annetta
p.s. i'll be around a computer more now...living in a cornfield without internet in indiana for a while now, i've ignored y'all. so sorry.
isn't it interesting what kinda' curves come on our life roads? recently, justin and i broke off our engagement. and without much warning or fanfare or escort, we were both facing a new life picture. i've been planning our life together for the last several months. now it seems that we're both with an empty horizon at our fingertips...we're allowed to paint whatever we wish. and as amazing as justin is, i wish him all the technicolor crayons in the world...
much love...
annetta
p.s. i'll be around a computer more now...living in a cornfield without internet in indiana for a while now, i've ignored y'all. so sorry.
Sunday, November 18, 2007
Brick
Do y'all remember watching The Wizard of Oz as kids? Then, the whole movie was magical and fun...I absolutely loved it! After not watching it for a good 10 years, I watched it again. This time, I started to understand why some parents thought it scary in places. Where some things had failed to register to me as a kid, as an adult these same things were crystal clear in their implications. I had the same reaction to the ol' school Willy Wonka movie...
One thing that I saw differently was the dirty yellow brick road...while it started out golden and gleaming, there were many a moments in the movie where the road appeared to be only a faded, dull brick. There were even times that the road became narrow and obscure. At the finale, of course, we remember that their long-awaited, far-traveled-for wizard turned out to be no more a wizard than the tinman.
While a child and even as a young adult, the road's been fairly clear for me. Most times, when a door opened, I would walk through it...a good opportunity translated in my brain as a right opportunity. But now I'm discovering this is not always the case.
Lately, many moments have reminded me I'm simply a blue-checkered dress girl with ruby slippers. I continue to walk this road...while a youngster, it seemed so much more gleaming and perfect and easy. It seemed clear. Now, there's still a road, but there are moments when I have to bend down and sweep away the dirt from the path to make sure I'm still on the right colored brick. An open door does not necessarily equate the right open door.
I'm learning to find that center of who I am...the core of what I'm supposed to do in life. After finding that, it's to this core, to that center, that I bounce all of these open doors. Sometimes these open doors bounce back and look like the antithesis of me. And then sometimes they bounce back as a mirror image of me...of Him in me.
I used to make decisions by praying for a set time, reading His Word, asking wise counsel, analyzing the situation and listening to the Spirit inside me. And now I still do these things. But His Spirit has shown me that it is not simply the obvious 'fix' that is the right thing. The normal and easy way usually ends up making it's way deeper and deeper into the wicked witch's forest until thought and sight of the yellow brick has been lost forever.
In the end of the movie Dorothy realized that the thing she had been searching for was really with her all the while. While she was searching such a great deal for a quick ticket home, she learned things that grew her into a woman. She could have gone home at any second, but the things that she learned on the arduous travel made her home-going a sweeter and richer experience. She now had the perspective to truly appreciate the smallest of things and relationships that she had at home.
Today I'm simply praying I have the eyes to see His yellow bricks for me....
One thing that I saw differently was the dirty yellow brick road...while it started out golden and gleaming, there were many a moments in the movie where the road appeared to be only a faded, dull brick. There were even times that the road became narrow and obscure. At the finale, of course, we remember that their long-awaited, far-traveled-for wizard turned out to be no more a wizard than the tinman.
While a child and even as a young adult, the road's been fairly clear for me. Most times, when a door opened, I would walk through it...a good opportunity translated in my brain as a right opportunity. But now I'm discovering this is not always the case.
Lately, many moments have reminded me I'm simply a blue-checkered dress girl with ruby slippers. I continue to walk this road...while a youngster, it seemed so much more gleaming and perfect and easy. It seemed clear. Now, there's still a road, but there are moments when I have to bend down and sweep away the dirt from the path to make sure I'm still on the right colored brick. An open door does not necessarily equate the right open door.
I'm learning to find that center of who I am...the core of what I'm supposed to do in life. After finding that, it's to this core, to that center, that I bounce all of these open doors. Sometimes these open doors bounce back and look like the antithesis of me. And then sometimes they bounce back as a mirror image of me...of Him in me.
I used to make decisions by praying for a set time, reading His Word, asking wise counsel, analyzing the situation and listening to the Spirit inside me. And now I still do these things. But His Spirit has shown me that it is not simply the obvious 'fix' that is the right thing. The normal and easy way usually ends up making it's way deeper and deeper into the wicked witch's forest until thought and sight of the yellow brick has been lost forever.
In the end of the movie Dorothy realized that the thing she had been searching for was really with her all the while. While she was searching such a great deal for a quick ticket home, she learned things that grew her into a woman. She could have gone home at any second, but the things that she learned on the arduous travel made her home-going a sweeter and richer experience. She now had the perspective to truly appreciate the smallest of things and relationships that she had at home.
Today I'm simply praying I have the eyes to see His yellow bricks for me....
Saturday, November 3, 2007
Cassiopea & Comet Holmes
Hello y'all! And you just thought i was kidding about being back...i just thought i'd throw a controversial log on the fire...see what sparks may fly...
after eating dinner i was nose-glued to a magazine (i absolutely love cooking magazines around this time of year) when i realized i was alone in the house. being a social little bug, i strarted scrounging around for everyone...i found them all down the street, on the corner, staring at the sky. after hearing that they had just witnessed what they could only identify as an honest-to-goodness UFO, my skepticism of whatever else they might scream was a bit high.
BUT, i found they had a little validity. seems there's an astronomical anomaly going on under our very noses...or, rather, above our shaggy heads.
October brought us a visual of Comet Holmes.
an 1892 comet that's just become visual to the human eye.
it's kind of a big deal.
many amateur's and professionals are touting the star's newness...meaning brand-spankin'. and there's definitely controversy surrounding lil' Holmes (so named by it's 1982 founder). in all my amateur atronomer days (counting 1 thus far), i'm on the side that says it's new.
one funny 'coincidence' to the whole bit is the star appeared directly on the heels of a very controversial article. the article works to shake the theological feet of Bethlehem star believers. all to say, take a minute to glance at his thoughts (pick up the magazine or take a glance through his comments on the http://www.skyandtelescope.com/ website...check out the article on the new star and the article on Bethlehem's star).
better yet....take a walk on a clear evening and see this star that is growing in brightness (right below Cassiopea...think Serendipity... ;0)...breathe in a bit of fresh (or polluted as your case may be) air and realize we're in a God-given environment...
peace.
ignorance abounds...starting with me.
p.s. there's a fun little article about the star names, etc., on the Brock and Bodie Theone website: http://www.thoenebooks.com/blog.asp ...it's the article titled: WHAT WISE MEN SEE—2007 COMET IN PERSEUS...
Navigation
finding the right road for yourself is always a bit of a bugger. you look and look....you try new things...you listen to friends...you listen to your own heart...you listen to His heart...you read articles and research possibilities...you even try things out.
it's an elusive sucker this road. slippery like an eel. but moreso.
so what makes me know that i'm on the right road now?
well, call it insensitive, but part of me stops caring so much. i think, i'm here because of decisions i've made. i have to live with those decisions. and it's even more than that though. i'm so solidly convinced of His Sovereignty that i don't think i COULD go on the wrong road. i mean, yes, i could flirt with th idea. i could toy in my weaker, temptation, hands-on-the-ears-"i'm-not-listening" moments. but reality finds me knowing that my heart, given to Him once, and every day since, would cease to exist on the 'wrong' road.
and don't even get me started on whether or not there is a 'wrong' road...
it's an elusive sucker this road. slippery like an eel. but moreso.
so what makes me know that i'm on the right road now?
well, call it insensitive, but part of me stops caring so much. i think, i'm here because of decisions i've made. i have to live with those decisions. and it's even more than that though. i'm so solidly convinced of His Sovereignty that i don't think i COULD go on the wrong road. i mean, yes, i could flirt with th idea. i could toy in my weaker, temptation, hands-on-the-ears-"i'm-not-listening" moments. but reality finds me knowing that my heart, given to Him once, and every day since, would cease to exist on the 'wrong' road.
and don't even get me started on whether or not there is a 'wrong' road...
I'm Ba-ACK!!!
in more ways than one i might add.
for a few months now, i've sat down countless times and attempted to jot out a little blog. to spit out a little something that someone else would care to read. but my thoughts...well...they spun out kinda' crooked...in a funny jumble of a mess.
but.
somehow. as i sat down to the computer today, i thought, it's time. time to reclaim me in many ways.
if you care to continue a read on this-here blog...hold on to your hats.
the next few days promise to be full.
much love.
A
for a few months now, i've sat down countless times and attempted to jot out a little blog. to spit out a little something that someone else would care to read. but my thoughts...well...they spun out kinda' crooked...in a funny jumble of a mess.
but.
somehow. as i sat down to the computer today, i thought, it's time. time to reclaim me in many ways.
if you care to continue a read on this-here blog...hold on to your hats.
the next few days promise to be full.
much love.
A
Tuesday, October 9, 2007
suffering
i've been thinking about suffering lately. it's funny how many articles can be found on it....there's so much of it in the world. it's looming and pervading presence always demands an audience. and it's also interesting to note that suffering has no prejudice or party affiliation. it's not bound by social class. and it's definitely not bound by race or ethnicity.
everyone who lives and breathes is promised suffering at some level.
so why do we shirk from it? or have knee jerk reaction towards God when it comes? isn't it a beautiful thing? isn't it what allows such direct and pure lines of communications with Him?
i was thinking about these times in my life that have been so hard. those times that i spend weeping on my knees. at the time, they seemed almost unbearable. but it was that desperation that lead me to really, trully sucking Him in instead of anything else. if you stop and listen, anyone's intelligent enough to realize that suffering in and of itself is not worthwhile. but it is the whatever happens that brings Him closer that is worthwhile and that our hearts silently crave. in and of itself, keep suffering away. but i want Him so badly to be more in me, that i'll take whatever He determines will bring me closer to Him.
after all, He's worth everything isn't He?
so. Father, don't bring the suffering. BUT bring Yourself Lord...and if suffering is part of that, then You'll make me ok with that...because i love You more than life itself...help me to love You more.
everyone who lives and breathes is promised suffering at some level.
so why do we shirk from it? or have knee jerk reaction towards God when it comes? isn't it a beautiful thing? isn't it what allows such direct and pure lines of communications with Him?
i was thinking about these times in my life that have been so hard. those times that i spend weeping on my knees. at the time, they seemed almost unbearable. but it was that desperation that lead me to really, trully sucking Him in instead of anything else. if you stop and listen, anyone's intelligent enough to realize that suffering in and of itself is not worthwhile. but it is the whatever happens that brings Him closer that is worthwhile and that our hearts silently crave. in and of itself, keep suffering away. but i want Him so badly to be more in me, that i'll take whatever He determines will bring me closer to Him.
after all, He's worth everything isn't He?
so. Father, don't bring the suffering. BUT bring Yourself Lord...and if suffering is part of that, then You'll make me ok with that...because i love You more than life itself...help me to love You more.
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