Jobless and Jubilant!

"I love you Tink!", so said the text message sent to me last Thursday morning. In the middle of my quiet time, I quickly shot back a "Y tu Senorita!" and went back to reading...but then I started to have a distinct foreshadowing in my spirit. I forged another text, "So I have this weird feeling I'm going to lose my job today...pray I don't if it's His will!" And with a text response back to me promising prayer, I went to work and forgot all about the exchange until 2:30pm when receiving a phone call from the temp agency that controlled my "temp-to-hire" contract. I'd been with the company 10 1/2 weeks. They'd called that afternoon and asked to have my contract terminated. "FIRED?! ME? What? What'd I do??" was my first reaction. I mean, the shame, the negative connotations of being "let go" immediately surfaced. But they just as quickly dissapated as well. I had an overwhelming sense of God's Sovereignty. Seemed He was just as much in control at 2:30pm as He was at 2pm. I asked the agent if there was a reason and she said they said not really and that they "really hated to do this." Wow. In a blink of an eye, my source of income was obliterated...

I had just been thinking of how homesick I was and knew I had no plans til Tuesday now that work was outta' the way. So home I went.

Dad and Mom and I hung out and talked about the Father's role in all of this...the why's and timing of it all...it all seems to be the beginning of the a new chapter for me. "New chapter?" you say? Yes, I know it seems all I've done in this past year is make new beginnings in different places. And even returning to Dallas Monday night was a bit of a stretch to say it feels like home...whatever that means. But I would say that Dallas feels more like home than any other place. This Sunday I join the church I've been attending for 6 months...a place I feel called to be connected more deeply with each passing hour.

But even in the supposed quietness of His working, I know He is indeed doing just that: working. The same God who foretold I was to lose my job and then took it in an instant is the same God who will provide for me tomorrow. He is the same God who has spent a year making me into a different person. What a SLOW year it's been too! The rough times go so slowly and the happy times speed by with nary a dull moment. In the past year I've learned a few things...and I'll have to put them into 2 postings, but here's the condensed version:

1. I've had my first real heartbreak.
2. I've moved to 4 different cities and 6 different houses.
3. I've slept on countless friends couches while crying on countless friends shoulders.
4. I've heard His Voice more clearly than I've ever heard it.
5. I've seen more clearly into the present, eternal Kingdom than I've ever seen.
6. I've been humbled to the point that I realize I desperately need more humbling.
7. I've started to realize that the patience I've earnestly prayed for isn't a pansy state, rather it's a wrestling (Hebrew states: writhing, groans as in childbirth!) place of the soul while waiting on Him to come.
8. I've started to realize the beginning stages of walking in His Presence. A place I've desired to be in for years, He's graced me with more and more of Him to the point that I sense Him all the time. In fact, I've started to ask His opinion on more than the average things...i.e., I used to ask occasionally, "do You want me to see this movie? or call this person or?" and now I ask Hi all the time. It's odd how it's becoming second nature...I pray it increases evermoreso!
9. Learning to bank my heart and trust in Him. His Presence more than His Hand.
10. That being said, learning that waiting for His Promises is a natural and right place to be in the midst of pain and seeming desert-land.

We really do live in the shadowlands. If we could but see (almost a streaming consciousness type of deal) His eternality in the moments of this current, fading reality, we'd live in His Presence pre-heaven. While I long for the day He takes me home, some days more than others!, finding His Presence a reality here abates some of that deeper longing of the soul. I realize His purpse for me is far greater than moving the masses. His purpose is far greater for me than a best-selling novel or cd. His purpose is even greater for me than leading thousands in true worship of The One Worthy. His purpose for me is to know and be known by Him...living fully out of the heart He created me to live out of.

Wow. Decadent. Grace-filled. I'm so unworthy...But He's The One Worthy.

I wait for His next step, believing all the promises He has stored up tis past year for such a time as this, I am at peace and joyful. I know He has a good plan. And the main thing is that it includes knowing Him. What do YOU think?

If you want to pray for a few specifics for this journey of mine, email me and I'll shoot the few things I'm bringing before Him to you. And I'd love to pray for you in YOUR journey too!

His.

annetta

BATHROOMTRIPATNIGHT Stage

Practically all of my life I have had an overactive nocturnal bladder. I know, I know, "TMI" you say. But seriously, I think every night of my life has found me getting up to go to the bathroom at 2 or 3 in the morning. This is so very annoying. Leaving a comfortable, warm bed is never fun. Although knowing I have a few hours left to sleep always makes it better. Anywho...

The POINT is, for my whole life I've had to walk to the bathroom in the dark. When a child, this freaked me out. I thought every shadow was a boogey man ready to suck my blood. I'd also trip over things or get disoriented over my surroundings. As I've grown older, no matter where I wake up, I seem to have developed a heightened alertness in these bewitching hours. I immediately know where I am, which direction to walk, and sometimes make my bathroom trip without ever really waking up!

Currently, life has me in a "bathroomtripatnight" stage. I'm walking in the dark. The nutty thing is, I've been walking in the dark, in faith, for so long, that I'm not falling as much. Practicing this faith walk this past year, following Him through heartbreak, moving, relocating friends, new jobs, etc., I'm starting to get into the rhythm. And when the most recent upset came about (lost my job today!), I felt like I didn't miss a beat.

Please don't hear me saying I'm amazing...hear me saying, HE's amazing. His patience (He took several years for me to get this one!) in teaching me in a kind and gracious manner has left me specchless.