i'm a grownup.
i don't know when it happened. but i'm totally a bonified, grade-A, card carrying, decision-making adult. weird really. i've had the peter pan mentality my whole life. you know, that 'i-still-climb-trees-and-i'll-never-grow-up!' vibe.
when i first stepped into this 'leap-o-faith' thing, i thought jumpin' head first meant that i could swim for a while afterwards. I mean, i LOVE swimming. silly rabbit me. jumping once really just means that each day i get to jump into an even deeper pool off of an even deeper high dive.
seems like even more of an adventure really. my emotional little adolescent self spent time crying on the high dive...waiting for Dad to coax me off. but this new adult mischeviously winks at Him, takes a deep breath and cries, "CANNONBALL!!!"
now, you have to realize, my fear is not dissipated. Oh yeah, it's still there. but there's also this really cool, leveling trust that stays deep in the pit of my stomache. even when unexpected news comes, i'm still grounded. and i'm really jonesin' on it. there's none of that adolescent desperation that comes from not KNOWING the jump's ok.
there's something funny about having been in the depths before. when you reach them again, they're not near as scary. and as i continue this funny little faith walk, it doesn't seem as scary right now either...
so today, i'm choosing to climb a tree, *wink*....right before i jump.
annetta
p.s. whenever you think of me, shoot up a prayer for this faith (and wisdom!)...a gift that's in high demand and short supply sometimes...
p.s.2. especially pray as whenever one claims to be doing fantastically well at this faith walk thing, well, it's like putting a bullseye on the forehead while shooting off flares and screaming into a bullhorn, "Easy Target!!!"...ahh...humility is still something i struggle with...
Monday, September 3, 2007
Saturday, August 25, 2007
still abstract
good morning! or good evening or good day as it may be in your world....
isn't it funny how life is all relative to someone's perspective? now don't get me wrong and think i've turned into some postmodern relativist who thinks there are no absolutes. but it's funny how if you look at something from a different angle than someone else, it can seem to be a completely different object. huh. makes me think of that ol' story about the blind men and the elephant (i'm gonna' botch this one!)...they each grabbed hold of a different part of the elephant....one grabbed the trunk, one the leg, one the tusk...and they each thought it a different entity. respectively, one thought it a snake, one a tree, one a sword. in a lot of ways, understanding the truth behind life relies on one having the correct perspective.
in so many ways He renewed and 'set aright' my perspective on life when i was in Estes. while many of you may find my reference to my time there quite wearying, please bear with me. i'm still kinda' 'getting' what all He spoke to me there.
while in Estes, i started to get that life really is to be lived out as a fantastically powerful creature filled with Him. there is no letting go of that identity. and the more i live out of that the better.
but i find myself slacking in the identity department...to such a degree that for a moment i lack vision and faith, and start calling what place i'm currently in a snake or a tree or a sword...
6 months down now. and still lacking so many of the tangible things we call 'necessary' for 'normal' life. but i realize that 'normal' is all a matter of perspective...and that all my needs are met in Him.
praying that my heart echoes even louder today, 'i have no need, no good, apart from You my sweet Jesus'...
isn't it funny how life is all relative to someone's perspective? now don't get me wrong and think i've turned into some postmodern relativist who thinks there are no absolutes. but it's funny how if you look at something from a different angle than someone else, it can seem to be a completely different object. huh. makes me think of that ol' story about the blind men and the elephant (i'm gonna' botch this one!)...they each grabbed hold of a different part of the elephant....one grabbed the trunk, one the leg, one the tusk...and they each thought it a different entity. respectively, one thought it a snake, one a tree, one a sword. in a lot of ways, understanding the truth behind life relies on one having the correct perspective.
in so many ways He renewed and 'set aright' my perspective on life when i was in Estes. while many of you may find my reference to my time there quite wearying, please bear with me. i'm still kinda' 'getting' what all He spoke to me there.
while in Estes, i started to get that life really is to be lived out as a fantastically powerful creature filled with Him. there is no letting go of that identity. and the more i live out of that the better.
but i find myself slacking in the identity department...to such a degree that for a moment i lack vision and faith, and start calling what place i'm currently in a snake or a tree or a sword...
6 months down now. and still lacking so many of the tangible things we call 'necessary' for 'normal' life. but i realize that 'normal' is all a matter of perspective...and that all my needs are met in Him.
praying that my heart echoes even louder today, 'i have no need, no good, apart from You my sweet Jesus'...
Thursday, August 9, 2007
honestly? it's past the point of good humor
you know, there's this point where patience wears out. it no longer speaks for you. it no longer responds gracefully. it no longer bides my time. it no longer gives moments of peace in the midst of chaos. it no longer provides support and home simply by it's presence.
when this patience wears out i'm left confused, wondering.
this week, i've felt a little like an orphan. i hate even saying the word orphan in respect to myself. it makes me feel ungrateful. after all, i am not without a superior set of 'rents. and i've a perfect Father in heaven to boot. but, there's something about a family...they're supposed to provide a solid compass. problem is, while my Father has been speaking so many abstract things to me, there is NO concrete stuff to be heard. hard to have a solid compass when all you hear is ethereal. and one of the worst things (to me) is His quiet. He has a plan for my life. yet He shares it not. this lack of sharing on His part leaves me biting my tongue from calling Him 'stingy'....
i'm tired of the intangible. 6 months now. intangible faith. my faith well's run on empty for some time...He's just been giving me the daily requirement. but, bottoms up and there's not a drop today. i mean, i've faith that i'll have food and drink. i'll have a place to lay this ol' noggin. but, those heart things...those dreams. those communal needs. those desires for living a life greater than me....seem to sift out of that cup like dust left after all moisture's evaporated.
all walking done today is done with no sense of emotionalism. there's no 'good feelings' cheering me on to greater heights. rather, my sustaining factor is simply grit. grit and a little whisper. on second thought, it's probably moreso the little whisper...if you're living the grit whisper, rock on. let's bond.
but amidst it all...i'm still solidly planted in His plan for me. i just wish He'd share the next step with me...walking. listening. and finding myself a little gripey...
but still so enchanted by Him that i can't let go...
when this patience wears out i'm left confused, wondering.
this week, i've felt a little like an orphan. i hate even saying the word orphan in respect to myself. it makes me feel ungrateful. after all, i am not without a superior set of 'rents. and i've a perfect Father in heaven to boot. but, there's something about a family...they're supposed to provide a solid compass. problem is, while my Father has been speaking so many abstract things to me, there is NO concrete stuff to be heard. hard to have a solid compass when all you hear is ethereal. and one of the worst things (to me) is His quiet. He has a plan for my life. yet He shares it not. this lack of sharing on His part leaves me biting my tongue from calling Him 'stingy'....
i'm tired of the intangible. 6 months now. intangible faith. my faith well's run on empty for some time...He's just been giving me the daily requirement. but, bottoms up and there's not a drop today. i mean, i've faith that i'll have food and drink. i'll have a place to lay this ol' noggin. but, those heart things...those dreams. those communal needs. those desires for living a life greater than me....seem to sift out of that cup like dust left after all moisture's evaporated.
all walking done today is done with no sense of emotionalism. there's no 'good feelings' cheering me on to greater heights. rather, my sustaining factor is simply grit. grit and a little whisper. on second thought, it's probably moreso the little whisper...if you're living the grit whisper, rock on. let's bond.
but amidst it all...i'm still solidly planted in His plan for me. i just wish He'd share the next step with me...walking. listening. and finding myself a little gripey...
but still so enchanted by Him that i can't let go...
Thursday, August 2, 2007
ESTES PARK PRE-RELEASE!!!
YEAH! the time has come for a pre-release party for the cd!
a sigh of relief! so. if you are in the Houston area, you've simply GOT TO come by and take a listen...and bring your friends!
Tallowood Baptist Church.
North Campus.
22 August 2007.
7:30pm.
Give me a holler if you have any questions!!! can't wait!!!
Friday, July 27, 2007
a moment...
recently, i went on a run in virginia beach, va. a great run. the kind of run where i weep in the middle of a particularly speedy stretch; not because i'm in pain, but because my soul is poignantly touched with the beauty of Him, and i've no way to adaquately express my love.
my run was not at the beach. it was just to a neighborhood near the apartment i was staying at...beautiful view (this pic is of the park). the name of the park is : mount trashmore. sounds like a funny name huh? well, the really funny part is it's not just a name. the park is really an old trash dumpground renovated into a beautiful community park. it started me thinking...
He can make something out of nothing...in fact, He quite often takes our bruise, depraved selves and turns them into royalty. He takes this 'ugly wart frog' and turns me into a pretty, pretty princess. He took a ball of dirt and made Adam. He daily takes my failings and turns them into a tapestry that glorifies Him. our Father is breathtaking. i can't get enough of Him these days...He's made my heart to constantly want Him. i find He's more than enough. my soul's alive dear friends! love and miss all of you! praying for so many of you by name this evening and all of you by His Spirit...
annetta
p.s.
wow. it's been awhile. a disclaimer, i've been on a 4 week road trip...i'll find myself settled in a home soon...pray for direction~!
my run was not at the beach. it was just to a neighborhood near the apartment i was staying at...beautiful view (this pic is of the park). the name of the park is : mount trashmore. sounds like a funny name huh? well, the really funny part is it's not just a name. the park is really an old trash dumpground renovated into a beautiful community park. it started me thinking...
He can make something out of nothing...in fact, He quite often takes our bruise, depraved selves and turns them into royalty. He takes this 'ugly wart frog' and turns me into a pretty, pretty princess. He took a ball of dirt and made Adam. He daily takes my failings and turns them into a tapestry that glorifies Him. our Father is breathtaking. i can't get enough of Him these days...He's made my heart to constantly want Him. i find He's more than enough. my soul's alive dear friends! love and miss all of you! praying for so many of you by name this evening and all of you by His Spirit...
annetta
p.s.
wow. it's been awhile. a disclaimer, i've been on a 4 week road trip...i'll find myself settled in a home soon...pray for direction~!
Friday, July 6, 2007
Road Trip
ok. so many of you know of M6, a mission trip i took with TWood last summer. well, a friend and i are about to embark on a 3 week version of that...and we think it's gonna go right down the east coast.
we're starting with a night with friends in BHam, AL, then to see my sis in NYC...she's working for the Philharmonic and is gonna hire us for a few days. then i have cousins in Providence RI (45 minutes from Boston) and my friend's mom is moving from Virginia Beach...and i'm singing in a wedding (ADRIENNE!) in Charleston SC at the end of the month...
those are the loose plans. but my friend (Sandrine) and i are holding them loosely in our hands. i can't WAIT to see where He takes us...and we're preparing this week for the crazy journey starting Thursday...incidentally, that's the day after my 28th bday...what a coming of age trip eh?!?
anywho.. any prayers are coveted. we're listening and i pray this is lifechanging..for us as well as many others!
p.s. the album should be done right about the time we get back...wahoo!
we're starting with a night with friends in BHam, AL, then to see my sis in NYC...she's working for the Philharmonic and is gonna hire us for a few days. then i have cousins in Providence RI (45 minutes from Boston) and my friend's mom is moving from Virginia Beach...and i'm singing in a wedding (ADRIENNE!) in Charleston SC at the end of the month...
those are the loose plans. but my friend (Sandrine) and i are holding them loosely in our hands. i can't WAIT to see where He takes us...and we're preparing this week for the crazy journey starting Thursday...incidentally, that's the day after my 28th bday...what a coming of age trip eh?!?
anywho.. any prayers are coveted. we're listening and i pray this is lifechanging..for us as well as many others!
p.s. the album should be done right about the time we get back...wahoo!
go red
it's raining outside.
there's always been something about rain...makes me think.
this week, i've been contemplating growing up. i guess it's normal to contemplate that as i was at a family reunion right outside the city of Crown Point...the city i spent the first 12 years of my life in. i saw the lady that used to babysit me, my childhood bff and the younger kid next door who's now grown and owns his own business. the whole time i talked with the lady who babysat me, she just kept saying, "SHUT UP! SHUT UP! YOU'RE SO HUGE!".
it made me feel like i'm either pudgy or just really grown up.
so growing up. for awhile now that little rebellious streak of mine has been directed towards anything that scents of legalism. if someone said that wearing red is the only thing holy, i would throw out all shirts with the slightest hue of red and wear only black. i mean, who can dictate God's color preferences?!? and who's to say that red really is my color anyway? who's to say that i'm not a GREEN kinda' girl...
ok ok. i get it that my rebellious response is not only childish, but it's tacky. but the thing that really struck home in my heart was as i was thinking about Romans 12:2A,
"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind..."
i've been working on that whole conformed thing for a while...and thought i was working on the transformed thing. but as i look at Him, i think, it's not that wearing anything but red is necessarily wrong, it's just that wearing red is the BEST thing...it's the way He created me to live. and it's not even about a normal life that's really good and looks great alongside the next nonChristian's life. rather, the transformed life is so amazingly removed, that non Christians recognize it as the way they ache to live.
let me try saying this again...it's not the color red. it's not that legalistic people are always right...it's just that, they're usually onto something...they are usually sensing out a few guidelines that make this a life lived best.
the black and blue wearers of the world know that red is really their color. and it's really my color. i just don't tell those wearing blue that blue doesn't become them... :)
so. i'm pushing ahead today. not to 'not wear black' but to wear red in such a way that all will know that He is indeed alive.
grace and peace,
annetta
there's always been something about rain...makes me think.
this week, i've been contemplating growing up. i guess it's normal to contemplate that as i was at a family reunion right outside the city of Crown Point...the city i spent the first 12 years of my life in. i saw the lady that used to babysit me, my childhood bff and the younger kid next door who's now grown and owns his own business. the whole time i talked with the lady who babysat me, she just kept saying, "SHUT UP! SHUT UP! YOU'RE SO HUGE!".
it made me feel like i'm either pudgy or just really grown up.
so growing up. for awhile now that little rebellious streak of mine has been directed towards anything that scents of legalism. if someone said that wearing red is the only thing holy, i would throw out all shirts with the slightest hue of red and wear only black. i mean, who can dictate God's color preferences?!? and who's to say that red really is my color anyway? who's to say that i'm not a GREEN kinda' girl...
ok ok. i get it that my rebellious response is not only childish, but it's tacky. but the thing that really struck home in my heart was as i was thinking about Romans 12:2A,
"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind..."
i've been working on that whole conformed thing for a while...and thought i was working on the transformed thing. but as i look at Him, i think, it's not that wearing anything but red is necessarily wrong, it's just that wearing red is the BEST thing...it's the way He created me to live. and it's not even about a normal life that's really good and looks great alongside the next nonChristian's life. rather, the transformed life is so amazingly removed, that non Christians recognize it as the way they ache to live.
let me try saying this again...it's not the color red. it's not that legalistic people are always right...it's just that, they're usually onto something...they are usually sensing out a few guidelines that make this a life lived best.
the black and blue wearers of the world know that red is really their color. and it's really my color. i just don't tell those wearing blue that blue doesn't become them... :)
so. i'm pushing ahead today. not to 'not wear black' but to wear red in such a way that all will know that He is indeed alive.
grace and peace,
annetta
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